For 2012: Resolution and Summary ;D

Salam'alaik..


B4 u asked, yes.. I'm procrastinating my assignments.
I've been doing it since the last past 3 days, and I've been going around the house with my Translation, Varieties, Lang and Culture file + my Literature book.. Yet, I still haven't finish it yet. Huu~


So, everyone is well aware of the New Year eve..
And my own tradition of New Year Eve, besides playing the 'Next yr game' with my sis and wait till 12 to close my eyes and pretend I'm going through a New Year wave is to write about this year and whats my resolution for next year.
I usually writes them in my Diary but I left it back at KUIS so I'm not able to do so.. Bummer.
Typical Maryam, forgetting stuff.
BUT! it's fine.. this will be a difference somehow ^^,

So, I'm gonna sum up what's up in the years 2011:

• I became fearless. Yup, even when it sounds epic but its true! Haha. This year I tried new stuff that I never though I would able to do, like being a facilitator for Taaruf, the public speaking thingy, holding up some responsibility and post, do something crazy for myself.
• I met incredible, amazing people that walk into my life that both stayed and left. People I never imagine befriending, people I never imagine I would have a second though about and people I never imagine that would change my life.
• I made this blog that help me expanding both my ability to write and to design (haha) and to meet new people that I never thought exist (seriously..).
• I see life differently, even though not a 360 degree change but it's different. And I get to see the people I love change for the better and it moves me alot. 
• I HAD THE BEST RAMADHAN! I should put this first. Haha. This year Ramadhan was special!
• Lastly, 2011 make me much more mature than before. My decision, my advise, my view, my argument, my action.. change a lot than the previous years. 

I'm glad. 
I'm glad that every year means something. 
Every year I gain something. 
Every year I change a bit.
Most of all, I'm glad that I met 2011..
That Allah let me live till now.
Thank you.

And even when I have this unknown feeling for 2012, I still am going to have a resolution!

Maryam's 10 Resolution for 2012!

1. To get rid of my bad habit! I need not to mention what's my bad habit because everyone have theirs.
2. To be more.. realistic? Yea, I got to admit that being a dreamer, reality is the least thing I would like to venture but I need to, so.. next year, I hope to be so.
3. To let go of my childish feelings of crushes, distraction and whatnot dreams even when I know it's impossible but it wouldn't hurt to hope right? ;)
4. To be more mature .. yea, strike that. I don't need to be more mature because if I am, I'm not Maryam Jameelah. I'm just going to be this serious person who won't stop talking about serious matter. Haha. So, I just need to be more wise. Wise in stuff that I'll be dealing with next year ^^,
5. To make the best of my last year in KUIS! I don't know what I'm gonna do but I guess being unexpected is sorta my specialty. 
6. To live life like I'm gonna die tomorrow. So I don't regret the mistakes I'll make, and I won't waste any moment, any time. =)
7. To follow my Ibadah timetable that I never manage to make this year but insyaAllah, next year I'll try my best to improve my relationship with my Creator.
8. To atleast get some of my writing/stories done. I don't want to keep on thinking bout it without actually doing it.
9. To be more, much much more EGO towards guys than before! Haha. Nahh.. I think I froze some of them with my attitude. Maybe next year I'll act a lil' bit nice. Maybe..
10. To shine and keep on shining towards the impossible and the unknown. Even when people try to bring me down or throw rocks at me, I just won't stop shining ;)))

Well.. That's all.
Lastly, GOODBYE 2011.. WELCOME 2012.
Please be nice to me ^^,


-MJxx

I screw up life, but so does everyone else.

Salam'alaik..


Do you know when your life is screwed up?
Well, my answer would be, "when you try to get out of a smaller mess and ends up in a bigger one..".


I always tend to avoid going on a path that would clash with something I don't want to go through..
But I always end up there anyway.

If I were to have a daughter my aged,
I would advice her that..
Sometimes life would have a plan contrast with yours,
But don't try to tune it back to you..
Instead, try to make the best of that plan.
It'll be a lot tougher but that's what maturity is all about.


Even when I'm gonna be 20 in a few months, or weeks..
I still am as childish as a young teenager who wanted to taste life..
I make mistakes that everyone thought it'll be impossible to make..
And yes, I screw up life again and again..


But I manage to pull the string up together again.
And I know I have every reason to keep on going;
With family, friends and those random strangers who make my life meaningful.
There's no way I let difficulties conquer me ;)

Midnight Muse ; Thinking 'bout u..

"I'm Sorry, Love."

I pretend that I couldn't figure out my feelings..
I denied when I started to feel it..
But I can't and I won't run away from it again.


I miss you..
I miss you like Hell..
I miss you that my heart started to ache..
I miss you like you just left yesterday..
And I don't know what I would do the first day you left.


I began to walk back to that closet where the memory of us I stored. 
The moment where we first met,
You pretend that you hate me and I pretend that I couldn't be bothered.
Finally we let our mask of egos down..
You eventually let me in your life and I eventually let myself trust you.


I began to let that feeling in..
We began to laugh together, smile at each other, loving one another..
But we let our guard down and reality barge in.
Without warning, without mercy..
It pushed us down and slashed us apart.


You began to regret us..
I began to lose trust..
Long before we're sticking down to each other throat and swear that this is the biggest mistake we've made.


You turn away,
I left.
Neither one of us wants to give in..
So we give away the precious thing that we held.
Our love. 


Right now, I bet you're looking down the window in the direction of my street..
Because I'm doing the exact same thing.
And then, I would look up at the moon,
Wondering if you're looking up at it too.


Maybe, just maybe..
Thinking if we could pull this feeling through...


-MJxx

Food Day..! Yum, yum..

Salam Peepz..


Well, I'm not a heavy eater but today had been fun playing around food. 
Haha.. It's not like I was playing it or anything..
And no, I didn't go out to eat..
You know, actually the best food you can get is at home..


So today is a stay-home-day for my family and I apart from my brother.
Of course, I spent the day watching 'Pretty Little Liars', and eating and cleaning some part of the house and I'm not really sure what else... Chatting around? Gossiping?

Okayy, so in the morning I woke up at 10 and wanted to make breakfast but the French loaf was filled with ants.
How I despise them..
But I manage to shoo them out and I made a buttered-toast French loaf after an hour..
And then my Lil' Sis said she wants some pancakes so I made them too with Honey Syrup..
Oh, how I longed for pancakes since I saw them at the KFC a.m menu the day I went back..
=p


We finished eating at around noon.. So much for breakfast..
And I thought that we're gonna skip lunch since the pancakes is alot.
But Mom begin to cook after Zuhur Prayer..


She cooked Egg with Soy Sauce and this French Long Bean, urm.. Boncas? Boncis? in Malay, I'm nt sure..
It was delicious since Mom seldom cook meal like that..
And then around after Asar, Dad cooked 'Roti John' and my Sister and I cooked Cucur Lemak Manis.. 
Of Course, Dad's 'Roti John' was marvelous even when he forgot to add the salt..

For dinner, my Brother cooked Hamburger and I cooked Broccoli with butter..
I ate a double Hamburger and yes, it was dang full. Haha.


Well, that's a lot of food menu for a day. 
We usually have 1 menu but today, there's like what? 4? 5? Haha.
It was nice being back home. I miss my family sooo much!


Now, back to watching 'Pretty Little Liars'.. My latest obsession ;)  


-MJxx

Friends? Enemy? or a LIAR?

Salam --.--*


Have you ever feel like you trust someone so much? 
Or being close to a person because you somehow feel comfortable around her?
And tell them everything like she's your sister.. a Twin of yours~


But you are blind that all they want is not your friendship but something else..
A motive of their own.

Guess where this is? ^^

That's what I feel right now.
But I'm not 100% sure what her motive is right now..


I'm the kind of person to do things I want without the fear of being different or outshine..
But this person, it's like everything I did that attract attention piss her off.. 


It's not that I hate her, if you're gettin' the idea..
I just don't like the way she react when I told her something excited that had happened to me and she would go whatever..
And of course she never will miss a chance to make me jealous, if that's her intention because I'm not..

The cat I found outside my room =^.^=

Not that I don't get jealous..
But I seldom get jealous because I have this devil-may-care attitude.. 
And of course, I'm the slow type so...
It took awhile for me to figure out if she's trying to bring me down.. Haha.


Just so you know, I like her.. Really I do..
I don't do hating people much..
I try to look at their best side rather than focus too much on the bad side..


So I hope that if she's reading this..
I have a message:

"I don't mind if you're trying to do this out of fun but IF you're trying to do this to piss me off then let me tell you something.. I may be nice but I'm not that innocent. I know how to act and I've been playing games with people mind since forever so if you think you're up to my level, think again."

Lastly, Peace Ya'll !

-MJxx

Soul-mate..?

Assalamualaikum ^^,

So.. what is this business with the whole soulmate thingy?
Do you believe in it?
Believe in having a person who are destined to be with you but were separated when you're sent down to this earth...
The person that you will built your other life with..
The one without your family.


I do believe in destiny, fate and soulmate...
And I know he's out there, somewhere.


Because I could feel him.
I know..
It sounds weird.

I would somehow feel lonely and missing someone but I don't know who.
Till it actually distracts me to focus on things like a lovesick high school girl..


At times I feel a feeling of longing..
To want to meet someone but I don't know who.


Sometimes I would talk inside my head..
And hoping that you would listen.
That for some odd reason, you could hear me.


I know you're out there somewhere..
Waiting, wanting..
For the moment to arrive.


I hope, you're doing well..
Because I am..
They say, 'Waiting is pure torturing '..
I couldn't agree more.

"At night when the stars light up my room

I sit by myself

Talking to the Moon

Try to get to You

In hopes you're on the other side

Talking to me too

Or am I a fool

who sits alone

Talking to the moon"

P/s: I also attach a Bruno Mar's song, 'Talking to The Moon' because for some reason.. I could see the relation there ^^,

-MJxx

Public Speaking Memoir !

Assalamualaikum ^^,


Well, last Friday on the 16th..
For the first time ever,
I entered a Public Speaking Competition.
Yup, me!

I never thought in a million years I could do that...
Delivering speech in front of crowds and strangers..
But I glad I did it
And never once I regret that decision of joining.


Because I entered this competition with the intention to do something crazy for once in KUIS, 
to do something for me..
Something that no one asked for, something that I decided upon and something that I never thought of.
To prove something to myself.

And so I did,
And guess what?
I have so many supporters that it never occur to me that I received that load an applause. 


Even when I'm not qualified for the next round.


It doesn't bother me at all.
Okayy, maybe it did the first few minutes but that I regain back my spirit when my friends & international friends said I did my best and I should be one of the qualified..
But I said its fine. 
Maybe I like it better this way.


But you know something..
I didn't get nervous at all when I'm on stage..
And that I feel natural.. 
Like I'm on my own turf.. 
Dancing around to my own melody of words..


I would like to try it again somedayy..


P/s: Next time I should try Drama or Poetry.. Expanding my ability ;)

When Literature & Edgar A.Poe combines..

Assalamualaikum ^^,


I haven't been writing for awhile..
Well,no..
Actually I have been writing other stuff but I haven't been updating here in awhile..


Its not that I have writer's block or something..
Its just that I have been busy and whenever I start writing I would stop halfway and didn't published it.
I have lots of draft, mind you.

Olivia Lufkin ^^

Well, I choose today to write and sooo hoping I would publish or post it because I somehow think of my blog being left alone, only wanderers of the lonely night will stop and take a  look at it.
Oh, mind the sooo elaborate choice of words I chose because I had Literature this morning and there was arguments about this one particular story "The Tell-Tale Heart" by Edgar Allan Poe.. 
Its a Gothic Fiction.


Usually I love a good argument, sitting by myself in a corner and smile whenever tension arise but not today somehow...
Well, actually I did smile to myself and laughed a lil' but today's argument was hopeless..
Both parties were..


One was defending something that could not be defend and the other abuse something that was already abused. 
But it was fun, and irritating. 
Because I would gladly join in the argument...
If I have actually read it.

Oh, yea.. The one story that interest me the most and brought alot of argument and tension in the class is the only story I forgot to read!
So back from a lil' trip outside campus today, I sat down and put alot of effort and brain into the story.
It was really tiring because I fell asleep with the earpieces in my ears right after I finished the last sentences. 


It was indeed a story that could put alot of flames into the analysis...
Because it's Edgar Allan Poe we're talking about ;-) 

Assalamualaikum ^^,

This was a piece of writing that I wrote when I woke up from sleep. 

Seriously.. I opened my eyes, reached for my phone and typed it.

I'm not sure the idea came before i went to sleep or in my dream.

Just the urge to write..

.

.

.

His arm wrapped around waist, thigh but tender..
while his head shared my pillow 
that there was not even an inch distance between us. 
I could even hear his soft snoring being whisper in my ear,
like a melancholy lullaby that should put me to sleep 
but my heart oppose it by beating like a drummer to his drum during a rock concert 
because of his close contact, and something else. 
Something that made me wonder and ponder..
If he wake up when I was asleep, 
would he quickly let go or stay put while holding me?


-MJxx

My heart.. it's alive.

Assalamualaikum..

I haven't write for quite sometime..
And I feel like bursting up.
Because writing makes me feel alive..
Being around words just calm me..


I have reasons for not updating but I don't have a reason for not writing..
And I felt like I just betrayed myself..
For not letting my heart have a chance of being free..


So right now,
I'm taking every opportunity and time..
Regardless of being 2am in the morning..
I want to be alive, 
I want to write more than a drunken man need his beer,
More than a druggie need his needle..


I'll forget the world for now,
I'll put away my problems for a moment,
I'll turn away from reality for second...
To let my heart dance through the floor of words..


Slow yet gracefully making its move..
Showing the world what a beautiful piece it can produce..

-MJ

Lame excuse *.* !

Assalamualaikum ^^,


Today is my first class for my 4th Semester..
And guess what?
I came in late and it was pretty much a bad impression.
It wasn't entirely my fault..
Half of it was my hand lotion fault.

I was rushing to get ready and when I'm about to apply my hand lotion,
the lotion just won't get out..
And as any typical person who were both frustrated and in a rush,
I pressed it hard enough until it came out a lil' bit too much.. 


I wanted to wipe away but then it would be a waste,
so I gave half to my friend and I use the other half..


Okay, its such a lame excuse for coming in late..

11.11.11 ; Date of the year.. the century..

Assalamualaikum ^^,


I know I've been in a bit of hiatus,
So.. hello.
Its been awhile.

Well, I think everybody is updating things about it.
Some choose this date to get married and such..
Well, it is a beautiful date and it won't be encountered after today.


As for me,
I've always been a freak for things like this.
I always wanted today to have a special encounter or event that I didn't plan happen.
And I've been writing and dated the date of the years since I was like,.. 13, 14?

As for today.. 
Nothing happen yet because I'm alone.. 
Well, not 100%.. but it was a pretty event-less day..


Everytime I'm alone,
I felt like as though i'm draining myself..


Well, its a short entry for today. 
Ja ne!


-MJxx

Entri Blog ber-Bahasa Melayu ! (Salam Arafah..)

Assalamualaikum ^^,
Salam Hari Arafahh..

Hari niee teringin lakk nakk tulis belog dalam Bahasa Melayu.  
Kenapa?? Mengapa?? 
Maybe sebab nakk tunjukkan yang sy pun boleh, dan ada entri BM penuhh..
Xdelahh orang kate sy nie step orang putihh *walaupun dlm angan2 ade sikitt.. eheh~*

Gambar Raye lepass.. Amat Random.

So.. eh, silap.. Jadi.. Hari nie Hari Arafah kan? Dan esokk kite akan beraya!
Walaupun Raya Haji xsemeriah Raya Puase *mayb pasal xdpt duet raya kott..*
Ia tetap Raya!
And bestnyer tentang Raya is kite dapat bersama keluarga tercinta + dpt pakai baju yg comeii2.. 
hee~


Hari Arafah nie, kami sekeluarga berpuase sunat..
Best tau, dpt puase sunat same2..
And Ummi pun sedang masak untukk buka *Soto Macroni! Yum, yum..* 
Jarang kott Ummi saya masakk buka, lagi2 yg gempakk macam nie..


Bukan sebab Ummi malas ke ape.. Okay, mayb kadang2 dier malas masakk..
Tapi sebab Ummi bekerja and mostly perempuan yg bekerja nie alekk umah penat..
And masak memerlukan tenaga yg banyakk...


Tu lahh sebab nye bile da berkerjaya (sp?) nnti, sy nak keje katt umahh je..
Oh,no.. Bukan suri rumah 100%.. Tapi kerja sy kat umahh..
Boleh sambut suami alekk nnti.. ohoh~
Lagipun xyahh bagun awal2 siap g keje..


Sampai sini sahaja sy nk berceloteh dalam BM.. 
Hee~ 
Semoga Hari nie dpt memberi manfaat kepada semua..


Sbb kelebihan Hari Arafah ialahh..


1- Doa kite dimakbulkan.. So, cpt2 doa! Doa ape yg patut.. Most importantly, doa semoga kite dpt keredhaan Allah swt..
2- Kalau kite berpuase, Allah swt ampun kan dosa kite utk 2 tahun.. tahun sblm n slepas nie..


Semoga kite menjadi org yg terbaik disisi Allah swt..
And semoga kt dpt menunaikan Haji di masa yang terdekat niee..
Ameen~


p.s, Maaf jika Melayu sy agakk skema n xdifahami.. -.-'

Gambar Rebekah utk hari ini (OMG, tat sounds just wrong..)