tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7100827199349506592024-03-21T15:55:44.858+08:00Maryam Jameelah writesMy solitude sanctuary where I confess my innermost self.Maryam Jameelahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17487853341188177818noreply@blogger.comBlogger129125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-710082719934950659.post-5702821689008371302016-08-03T01:13:00.002+08:002016-08-03T01:13:42.358+08:00Falling Under.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I don’t know how
I should feel what I’m feeling. I feeling like there’s a whole other person
inside of me and I feel it is unfair if you did not know. I am not this girl,
since the beginning of time I know what it takes to have people like me, to pretend
to them and show them the most likeable features of me. To not exactly lie, but
to not tell them the truth. I feel like it is safe. Safe so I wouldn’t be hurt
by not being accepted for who I am. And as time passes by, I soon began to take
form of the girl I pretend to be that up until now, I do not know who I am
anymore. I can’t trust the words that came from inside of me, from my own
voice. I feel like all that came from it are stories, fairytales, and the
perfect plot. I am no longer a natural human being. I’m scared of myself, I’m
scared that one day when I took off this mask in front of those I love they
will shunned me away. Because I am no longer the person they thought I am. <o:p></o:p></div>
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When will that
day come? The day I can let go of this heavy mask?<o:p></o:p></div>
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He said never.
Never as long as he is in me. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I heard his
voice as clearly as the thoughts. He told me things. He has been telling me who
I am, how I’ll handle thing. Through my tears, I could feel his hand around me.
I could feel half of my body against a heat I can’t explain. I could feel him
suck away my darkness only to transfer it to another part of me. He told me to
stay away but he never did stay away from me. He has been lingering around. They
told me to let him go. That he is not real, that I’m too childish to hope for a
none existence but that none existence is what keeping me sane all those years.
All those years of me bearing those mask. Telling tales of a hypocrite heart. He
knew who I wasn’t. He endure it, as I endure his presence. <o:p></o:p></div>
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It was painful. <o:p></o:p></div>
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A part of me,
that part of me. Maybe he was holding it with him. That is why I have never
been able to find it. I have to find him to find it. He knows who I really am.
Because he heard my shout, my scream, my cries, my fear, my anger, my
frustration, my suicidal thoughts. He saw it. He saw everything. My other half,
my savior. He felt trapped not being able to hold me. I could feel it too. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Where will I go?
Can I escape the truth? <o:p></o:p></div>
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The truth that I’ve
been depending on his soothing words to keep myself sane. I’m losing my mind
everyday with this doll of a self. How should I not? I’m tired of pretending. But
if I stop, I am no where near resting. I am no where near myself. Because I do
not know who that girl was, or am. <o:p></o:p></div>
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All I could hear
is his voice… and my own stupidity to hold on to this mask. My savior? Is he
really? Or am I falling deeper in this quicksand. I could no longer pull my
legs out. Suffocating. Hand? Where is that hand? I could feel a presence. Is it
his? Or is it someone else. I would never know.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I’m letting you
go now. I’ll see you again. You got a chance to show them your self without
that mask tonight. Just tonight. Tomorrow, when you wake up, u have to wear it
again. Do not let them know. Do not let them in. only you and him exist in that
mind of yours. Do not let the others enter. There’s not much space. Tonight,
little girl. Only tonight. I’ll keep you close. <o:p></o:p></div>
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#midnightmuse #justapiece #reiraisabella</div>
Maryam Jameelahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17487853341188177818noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-710082719934950659.post-62896691976412724352015-12-20T02:46:00.000+08:002015-12-20T02:46:01.372+08:00If this was a movie.<div style="text-align: justify;">
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It was 78 days ago since I last wrote and a lot has happened. Obviously. 2 months and a half is enough to change a course of someone's life. Especially if that someone is me. But it is not just me, people around me are going through tough changes too and well, it seems like my life is not as dramatic as it theirs but for once, I'm glad. I have had enough of this whole drama thing. I just want to lead a normal life for once but I guess you don't get to choose your way of living is the best thing because God gives you the best you could have had.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Sometimes I wonder if I could like, write my own storyline, what would I wish for? What would I have written? A happily ever after or a tragic ending? I always wanted a dramatic ending after all but I want a normal, laid-back life too. I guess like everyone, I want my character to be happy, to have happiness in my life. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Of course, I have happiness in my life now, no doubt. And it's not like I want some infinite happiness or anything. I love my life right now.. I just finished the whole series of BBT and TVD. So much happiness is running through this vein. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7il6JykGL-WyZuVzKEDZqaT3Z0Jb1EexJ59rcdOKFttNCRf6ClcuAnN3gsHxaLVFUyWjRtoAorBNjP0ZMW5A-F4QaqBqw8LwN-00cc0dWOq3JxpT7lM-wZL29gYGjZOh40m_JCjkOk6c/s1600/IMG-20150406-WA0007.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7il6JykGL-WyZuVzKEDZqaT3Z0Jb1EexJ59rcdOKFttNCRf6ClcuAnN3gsHxaLVFUyWjRtoAorBNjP0ZMW5A-F4QaqBqw8LwN-00cc0dWOq3JxpT7lM-wZL29gYGjZOh40m_JCjkOk6c/s320/IMG-20150406-WA0007.jpg" width="319" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Anyway, if I could write my life story, how will it go? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Well, for one thing I'd be married to my best friend. Not my current one because he is being a jerk lately. Well, at times I do find comfort in him but most of the time he is just begging me to press that red button that says 'WARNING: Explosion might occur". I have never publicize our weird relationship but then again, I never publicized any of my relationships. Serious or not. I just don't feel like telling people. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But okay, lets just for once I lower down that barrier and tell people about him, I don't know. It might seem once sided. But to be really honest (I know, I'm not answering the question. I'll get back to that later), he is like my addictive pill. I just can't go on days without talking to him. Even though it is a random topic.. it has been 3 years, the longest we've been not talking to each other is 22 days. It was horrid. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And honestly speaking, he and I may not be hanging out physically a lot but he is the only guy who could stand my emo-shit, my PMS mood, my craziness, blood-thirsty moment, and my drama. And yes, he hated me a lot because I've hurt him countless times. But he is still here and I don't see him plotting a revenge plot against me, I think. Oh, wait, he did once and he told me about it.. but he didn't do it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I guess that was the moment I knew.. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">That I have someone I can rely on. That person where I can tell everything, talk randomly and we'd still be talking. No matter how many time we fought. It's not fragile, but not concrete either. I just hope that whatever it is, we'll still be friends.. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Okay, back to the topic..</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I'd be married to the guy who, above all, knew me like the back of his hand and even more, connected to me by something more superior than the claims of love. But then again, this world is not perfect. I might not find him here. So I'd just wish I'd be married to a decent guy who would still love me and be honest about his thoughts. I don't want a romantic guy, or prince charming.. just someone who would help me raise a family, still be supportive of my choice. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And in my story, I'd be working, achieving my dream, spreading kind words and helping people. I just want to be someone that marks something not only in this world but in people's lives. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But the storyline. I don't know. I think I love my storyline now. Yeah it is a bit messed up here and there, but that's the way it should be. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I guess that's all for the update. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">-MJxx</span></div>
Maryam Jameelahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17487853341188177818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-710082719934950659.post-48840520212183057902015-10-02T01:04:00.001+08:002015-10-02T01:04:15.122+08:00Ultimate LoveSalam Alaik.<br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">The only reason I felt like writing is because I met a writer with that touch-my-heart sensation. She is my Creative Writing classmate. When I first heard her read her writing, I literally had that feeling of wanting to cry but at the same time I don't want her to stop. I want to devour every word, but at the same time, I want those stream of words to keep linger. Simply, it's like buying a Dark Mint Chocolate (my Fav) and as much as you love it, you do not want to eat it all in one go. You want that taste to linger but not linger long enough till you get bored. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">She's one of those writers. I fell in love with her words instantly. And I kinda look up her FB and that leads me to her blog. And well, what surprises me is that she talks a lot about God and Mercy and the Love towards gone and yeah, I guess that simply make me choke back tears. I realized her words were like mine. What I used to write anyway. I did not do it anymore now. And I was wondering why when I found the answer. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I've grew apart from my Ultimate Love. I grew apart from God. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I may be past my prime teenage years, where theories of 'finding self' lingers, but I still haven't find myself. I wanted to cry. Sometimes I thought I am this kind of girl, but then I changed to be someone else. It confuses me sometimes. Then it gets me, maybe the reason why I'm confuse about myself is because with different people/groups, I am a diff person. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">All because I want to get a positive feedback from people. I realized that I've been living life according to people. And I hated it. Because that is the reason why I grew apart from Him. I forgot God. I forgot my reason to exist in this world is to be whoever He wants me to be. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I guess its a domino effect. You widen your gap with Allah and the rest seems to fall apart. Because you didn't get the roots right, the leaves will not grow healthy. Allah will forever be the root. The reason. The starter. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I miss talking to Allah, telling Him how I've achieved things, how big something insignificant are, how I used to cry telling Him my sins and my problem. Holding onto Him and only Him. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I hope one day I find myself within His premise. I grew closer and closer to My Creator. To fall in love over and over and over again with My Lord. And to die, knowing my life is blessed by Him. I know at times I've given up on Him, whereas till now, He is still watching over me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">-MJxx </span></div>
Maryam Jameelahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17487853341188177818noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-710082719934950659.post-10344763011255852012015-08-06T13:27:00.001+08:002015-08-06T13:31:40.906+08:00You're my Flashlight.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“He’s gone.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">What do you mean he’s gone? I just
saw him. I spoke to him. A few minutes ago. I clenched my hand to my heart,
worried. I could feel the air getting colder. They say the weather tonight is
going to be rough and here I am, standing at my balcony, overlook the seas. I
could see the wave kissing the shore, no matter how many times it has been sent
away. I pulled my knitted cardigan tighter to me. I can’t lose him. Not now. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">This tower has been my home for
years. People come but they go too. Leaving me all alone, always. I am always
alone here. I have a mirror I could talk to every now and then but that is just
it. The mirror, although responsive, is not human. It may act like one but by
the end of the day, it is not real. But he is. He is real. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">I remember the first time I saw him.
He was just blending in, like all the other people who visited me in my tower,
who lingers around. His eyes was fixed to a flower, determine to have it. I
watched him as he failed a few times but he wouldn’t give up. But then I saw him
bled. I was concern but I didn’t show it. I never show it. He didn’t notice
that I noticed. Though I blamed the flower. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">He is always in his small little
world. His comfort zone. But sometimes I envy him. He gets to stay in that
comfort zone and gets hurt little than I did. I saw a whole world out there,
even though I’m still trapped in this tower, but I have the advantage of seeing
a wider view from up here. But he seems happier. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">One of the day that I remember was
when he approached me personally, asking me if I’m bored, being here alone. I
said I am, or was, because then afterwards, he came by every day, bringing me
games and activities for me to do, to play with. I’m not sure if it’s me
pulling him out of his comfort zone or if it’s him who brings me into his but
we are in between whenever we are together. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Slowly, I began to get warm with his
presence that long before I realized, I always wait for him to come back. He’s
not confident, he makes awkward moves sometime but I always notice the way he
speaks, the gruff voice that makes me smile unwillingly and that
impossible-to-understand words that he always choose when we play our game, the
way his eyes would stare innocently sometimes when he is deep in thought, the
way when other people came and tease him and he would try to avoid it. Oh, how
so many things I noticed, but he didn’t notice. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">He was there when I feel helpless, he
sees me in my darkest mode. I expect him to run when he knew, the reason I was
trapped here but he stays. And now you’re saying he is gone?!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Yes, Honey. He is gone. He will
eventually be gone. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">I stared, helplessly. I could feel my
knee buckled that I have to hold on to the stone railing of my balcony. Why? If
you said he is gone, why? Why now? Why suddenly?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Because your heart reaches him.
Honey, don’t you remember? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Remember what?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Remember, that you are not meant to
love anyone. You will only bring hurt to other people. You are a poison. And
before you hurt that innocent boy, we have to take him away from you first.
Even if he returns your feeling, you will never be happy. You are not allowed
to be happy. Your job is to stay in this tower, alone. Always alone. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">I sat down. I remember him. I
remember the night I pushed him away. I remember the harsh words I said. I
remember the hurtful look on his face, the tone. That voice. I wanted to scream
sorry but I know he is probably half way across the country, glad to be away
from me. I’m sure he’ll forget me. </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">He’ll meet someone new.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Damn it. Why. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Honey, he will remember you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">I looked up. He will?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Yes, after all, you were the darkest
hour in his bright life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">*****</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">This took me less than 30 minutes to write and is probably the shortest time ever. And I love it cuz it seems new. Like unlocking a new skill. Hilmi said it's dark. He always said my writing is dark. *eyes rolling* He said this is what happens when you are a Literature student. Ouch. Mcm dier bukan ex-literature student. Eleena said its tragic. I guess it is a mixture of both but I believe this is the closest to me bringing out what is inside of my heart. What do you guys think?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">I think it is something new. Like when a painter discover a new way to mix their colors and how a photographer discover a way to bring out a certain image and how a musician finds the right chords to play together. This is how I discover mine. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">I hope I can write more of this. Eleena and I are planning something. But it is mere planning for now but I really, really do hope it is not just a plan. I hope it is a work of action. Writing is not easy. It is like putting everything on the line and hoping that you win the lottery. I guess that is my fear. I'm afraid to sacrifice and I'm afraid off what is going to happen. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">We can't all win in this world, it is the survival of the fittest. Not everyone wants to read your book. I'm afraid that if I fail the first round, it'll bring all of me down. I'm not saying I'm a patient of depression, but depression is there around me. Waiting to grab me in his arm again and wouldn't let me go. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">I guess that's that. I have to get ready for class. Class pagi da ponteng -.-'</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">-MJxx</span></div>
Maryam Jameelahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17487853341188177818noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-710082719934950659.post-72557139158176851852015-07-28T00:58:00.000+08:002015-07-28T00:58:06.287+08:00Midnight Rant #1<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Assalamualaikum~</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I don't really know why I keep on putting '#1' behind each post because I only manage to write one post on it every time. This is not a serious post whatsoever. Because this is me being very nervous for my Arabic Midterm tomorrow. Hell yeah. I am never this nervous before. I don't know why and because of my nervousness, I decided to wash it away with some writing. Even though I'm typing it with my trembling fingers. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I have this fate with Arabic. I've been learning and studying it for almost 20 years now but it never stays. My ustazah said that studying Arabic and Al-Quran is different from normal studies because if there's something wrong with your intention and your heart, then you'll never get there. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I guess she's right. I mean, yeah, she's right. I guess my heart was never that pure to begin with. Sebab tu bertahun belajar tak lekat2 pun. Haish. But I want this to be different. I thought it could be. I even pasang this niat if I score well, I nak minor Arabic. Mimpi je wehh. 2 minggu cuti, vocab semua hilang. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">T.T</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Oh, before I forget.. Thanks Anas for the longest comment I ever received from anyone regarding my posts.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">(If you are reading this) Thank you for the long way back support. Because I always have this fear that maybe I'm not that good in writing and that would be a nightmare because I love writing and being told that you are not good at something you love is one of the worst feeling. And you are one of those people that I appreciate exist in helping me to pursuit writing because I know there's someone out there who will still read it. Kay, mcm cheesy. I love your stories and your post too btw. And thanks again for the help. The remaining Ramadhan is an alhamdulillah phrase. =D</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">This is a midnight Rant sooo.. I don't really have an objective on what to write. Hmm.. Hmm. My raya is good. Boring but good. Though I don't know what people are expecting out of me. And I think human beings are full of lies. (Okay last statement tu takde kne mengene with my raya. Haha.)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I know I need to get back to my revision tapi tak bole nak focus. I don't know why. I feel frustrated. Countless time Arabic has let me down with its exceptionally hard moment and blank space it gave me during exams. I am afraid that tomorrow, da belajar bnyk mane pun, I tak ingt. Sadds wei. Sadds. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I guess that's that. Thanks for reading my ramdom, sangat random post. I'm going to start writing short stories, poems and my long hiatus novel again and I'm trying my hardest to get over my fear of rejections. I want to be able to write without the fear of one. InsyaAllah, one fine day, kalau da takdir, ade lah tu buku2 tu kat shelf2. And may it touch others too. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">P.s, in case if u're wondering why I put Lily Collin's picture up there, she is kind of my inspiration. I love her motivational words, her acting, her expression, her fashion sense and her hairstyles the most. Lol. But putting it in this post is random. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So random. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">-MJxx </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Signed off at 12:50, 28/7/15</span></div>
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Maryam Jameelahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17487853341188177818noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-710082719934950659.post-24532696595231764062015-07-07T02:34:00.001+08:002015-07-07T02:34:21.992+08:00Ramadhan Diary #1: Challenges!<div style="text-align: justify;">
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">For introduction, it has been 4 months since I last 'vowed' to write everyday. So predictable of me. I also thought of writing a continuous of the Ramadhan Tazkirah but I have yet find the time. Okay, that is an excuse.. I did find time but I didn't make use of it. But tonight, since I slept early and woke up like around 1am and couldn't sleep back, I supposed I might want to write something. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">This isn't entirely a tazkirah thing. Cuz I'm not sure of any tazkirah to talk about. This is just a diary, as stated above. Lol. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And today marks the last 10 nights of the holy month of Ramadhan. So far my experience of Ramadhan here kinda sucks. I knowww. It was supposed to be a deep spiritual journey since I am near masjid and there's a lot of opportunity for me to do my ibadah but gosh, who knew studying and fasting could be sooooo tiring! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I mean, before this, in KUIS, the experience was a bit different maybe because the distance from my hostel to the main campus is not that far and tiring, but here.. nak naik bukit Salahuddin tu bole mati kay! I'm exaggerating but yes! Penat T.T *cries thousand buckets* </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Plus, my class is full (8am-4pm) and imagine studying arabic for 4 hours straight. Don't get me wrong, I love arabic but *cries thousand buckets again* its exhausting. Language learning is not easy. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So with the 8-4 timetable, and around 6 I have to be at the mosque to break my fast, I can break my fast in my room but then I'll be lazy to do my tadarus and pray tarawikh. I mean, I do pray tarawikh cuz I'd feel guilty if I don't but I love praying tarawikh with an imam rather then alone. It doesn't feel tarawikh-ish if I'm praying alone. Lol. Cerewet. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So there you go. Reason why I am so exhausted especially with the weather and how time is brushing so fast. I feel like sleeping the whole day. =( It was rather sad. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">What if this is my last Ramadhan? Then I'll regret it forever and ever. Because I did not put on effort as much as before and as much as others. I'm not that strong. I guess I didn't prepare beforehand, that is why I ended up not doing my fullest. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And maybe the other reason is because I'm alone. I used to have my usrahmates to be there for me whenever I'm falling but here, since I sorta decided to walk on my own, I don't have them. Okay, menyesal. I guess that is why usrah is important. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But alas, all that is over and done with. I have the last 10 nights to redeem myself and #pray4me that i'll do my very best and meet with the Night of Power, Lailatul Qadr itself. Ya'll can drop any kata-kata semangat cuz I'm dying for some motivation, for the remaining Ramadhan and remaining semester and remaining lifespan. lol. </span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Tgk Sophie!</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Lailatul Qadr is my favorite night because throughout the history of my life, a lot of miracles happened on that night. The night I heard that 'Quranic melody', the night that I prayed for UIA and here I am, the night I could feel my Lord's love and how warm it touches my soul, washing away all the sins of yesterday. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So I hope this year, I'll find it, work for it and gain it. Because this year, I have my own list of dua' and needed to be answered before my time is up. And I need all the help I can get from the owner of my Soul.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">[-.- Kes lame tak tulis. Da jadi karangan SPM da.]</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I hope you guys forgive me for not writing and still have time to read. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Takde time pun takpe, tak terase. Kahkah. But you wouldn't come down to the very end if you don't have time, do you? *senyum sinis*</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Haha. I'm taking Bahasa Melayu this semester so my melayu sorta mcm improve gitu. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Okay tak, I lied. My Malay sucks! </span> </div>
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Signed out at 02:33am 7/7/15</div>
Maryam Jameelahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17487853341188177818noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-710082719934950659.post-9465355023474947792015-02-21T23:59:00.004+08:002015-02-21T23:59:56.051+08:00What's it like to be 22?<div style="text-align: justify;">
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Well, my initial plan is to write something about the movie 'Stuck in Love' because if you are a writer or planning to be one, that is the movie for you to get some motivation. Haha. And yes, it inspire me a lot but then I remembered something else. Last year, I wrote this: <a href="http://chronicle-of-mj.blogspot.com/2014/02/a-letter-to-22-year-old-maryam.html" target="_blank">A letter to 22 year old me</a>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It was a letter I wrote for the 22 year old me and well, in a few hours I'm turning 23. You know, the funny thing is I was not looking forward for this birthday. Haha. When I was a kid, I used to pester people around me that my birthday is coming and I even had a count down written at the side of my diaries. Like, '20 more days...', '10 more days...' etc. But here I am, passing all those glorious age of 16, 18 and 21 and I wish I would remain there forever. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">No, I wish to remain 22. It is supposed to be my dream year because I have been looking forward to it all this while, hoping that something magical would happen and I would remember it forever and ever. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But alas, I'm turning 23. I forgot that tomorrow is 22 February until Maxis sent me a msg saying I got free calls. Damn Maxis. Just let me leave in the oblivious for a while. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So, I since I am not really looking forward to getting older, I'll write about what is it like being 22. Well, truth is, it feels the same as any other years. I mean I'm practically an adult so I don't have an age restriction to anything anymore, so legally, I can do anything right now. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Even so, being 22 somehow has this effect on me that I am on my special age. I want to make it happen, you know. I want to be able to find my soulmate, or something like that. If it is true. I mean, I know I am a hopeless romantic person but I am somewhat a skeptic too. I don't know if it's real. I don't know if love or marriage will be real. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Almost 80% of the time when I'm 22, I thought that I am ready and I thought that I am going to find the One and get married and be a wife and a mother. I thought that I was ready. But towards the end, I became skeptic, I began to question my readiness and yes, part of it is because I've been hurt by trusting a person that would wait for me. So I let go. I'm letting go of my 'readiness', I'm letting go of the idea of marriage altogether. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Maybe I will get married, maybe I won't. And I'm okay with it. Maybe I won't find the love of my life ever. Maybe I won't experience all that cheesy moments and that fast heartbeats. And I'm okay. Maybe I won't ever have a baby of my own and experience raising up kids. I guess this is a phrase of being an adult. You just get over it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I have a lot of things I want to do in life. Things that I can at least plan and have a bit control of. But marriage isn't a thing that I can control, so it is no use living life waiting for Prince Charming to knock on your house and ask for your hand in marriage. So it is far better if I can focus my life on things that I can plan on. Like my studies and career later on. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I guess being 22 reminds me that I have a lot of other things. I have a whole future ahead of me and I need to act fast. I need to stop mopping around and wait for opportunities to come by, I have to search for it. I'm not getting any younger. And 22 too reminds me that I have something valuable in my hand, and I am wasting it by letting it go without investing in it and therefore, I will try to make 23 as memorable as possible. I will not waste it nor will I let it pass by because, hey, you are not going to be on the same age deck twice, mate. </span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRRl0_HcmVfAj0awPlHAJXycX_5CpAkrc-FXRgBAVD7yRpnRpB29sLe53HOrxpjaGtcQUzjoWACjIkbJ4-hawRND-jK81YEg9HonHqIF592Vnpv8iE1u2qT7lMzURFtmH5cIQN8gOpOME/s1600/InstaSize_2015_1+_+144381.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRRl0_HcmVfAj0awPlHAJXycX_5CpAkrc-FXRgBAVD7yRpnRpB29sLe53HOrxpjaGtcQUzjoWACjIkbJ4-hawRND-jK81YEg9HonHqIF592Vnpv8iE1u2qT7lMzURFtmH5cIQN8gOpOME/s1600/InstaSize_2015_1+_+144381.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Although, 22 is not really a waste. I get to meet awesome people, learn valuable lessons, and fail and fail again to remind me that I have to climb back up, to remind me that I still have Allah up there to remind me that I have to work harder than usual. It helps me to be a better person, and a better adult, I guess. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I just hope that I'll find the strength and courage to pursue writing and get something published. I was afraid actually, to publish something.. for the fear of no one reading it. But a writer I personally met the other day said, To turn that fear into a boulder and make your way through it. Focus on those who actually reads and actually support you. Ignore all the negative thoughts. So yeah, I'm making my way, InsyaAllah. Pray for me, aitez?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Oh, I'm ending this post with Edgar Allen Poe's:</span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: large;"><i>"I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity." </i></span></div>
Maryam Jameelahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17487853341188177818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-710082719934950659.post-68858482332842716732014-11-16T00:13:00.000+08:002014-11-16T00:48:44.065+08:00New Look!<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Assalamualaikum.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Finallyyy! Akhirnya! I manage to re-construct my blog!</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It took like half the day and I am really, double exhausted. Susah wo main-main coding ni sume. Kejap kecik, kejap besar. And yes, I know.. "Lah simple je new look ni." Memang sengaja. Haha. Memang nak simple. Dulu tu macam bubak-budak sangat! Well, I was 19 at that time. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Yes! Da 3 tahun tak tukar template!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Lulz. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhf-Qt_Zfm1G7SRk0xu4TbVJxfRh8y1NApK6pihNpljkkBUSyq39U06gTlUkaU4AylLYia-L-s32sSScSNVX_0knoOZ-H-R0H3Gqe2egyALsk4SUR_66xMiMk6Qzsd2gzZn9fDPU7VDgXQ/s1600/header+kosong+(2).png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhf-Qt_Zfm1G7SRk0xu4TbVJxfRh8y1NApK6pihNpljkkBUSyq39U06gTlUkaU4AylLYia-L-s32sSScSNVX_0knoOZ-H-R0H3Gqe2egyALsk4SUR_66xMiMk6Qzsd2gzZn9fDPU7VDgXQ/s1600/header+kosong+(2).png" height="115" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Alhamdulillah, in between procrastinating my assignments, hafazan and homeworks, I decided to spend the whole day doing this. Which is kind of fun. But very leceh. Hence, the next template change will probably be after I graduated. Ahaha. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Besides, I have yet to frequently update my blog because I want to re-construct my blog first. So, InsyaAllah, may I have the time to update this lovely blog of mine walaupun tak tau ade orang bace ke tak. Haha. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Even so, I still want to keep on writing. Who knows, maybe one day when I am no longer here, people would stumble across this blog and somehow, my words manage to inspire them to do something good and it will be my 'saham akhirat'. Who knows, kan? Dalam kubur tu memang da tak bole buat ape-ape so kne mengharapkan amalan yang berterusan je ni. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Okay, this is just going to be a short post. To tell everyone that I have a blog makeover and that by Allah's will, and my 'rajiness', I will try to update my blog frequently. Thanks to those who has been reading my blog all this while. Ehee. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Belanja selfie sikit! Ahaha. K, ngada2. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">-MJxx</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGhvcUcAusl1gaekc2B769o2JRPjUjJMXieW1SiJpAkSMEYEn-YYNj-CUnRUYTCnAq2XaAqWxfaDDxP1AdT4zfo12x5E4ns4ugXX2jRYsT19e2y0QLkQkQCT4vATv6nDz9l2WKexBDolc/s1600/page2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGhvcUcAusl1gaekc2B769o2JRPjUjJMXieW1SiJpAkSMEYEn-YYNj-CUnRUYTCnAq2XaAqWxfaDDxP1AdT4zfo12x5E4ns4ugXX2jRYsT19e2y0QLkQkQCT4vATv6nDz9l2WKexBDolc/s1600/page2.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
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Maryam Jameelahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17487853341188177818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-710082719934950659.post-24829297048104285122014-09-27T18:26:00.001+08:002014-11-16T21:25:15.343+08:00Papers<div class="MsoNormal">
‘We are as indestructible as we believe ourselves to be.’<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
I stared at
those words as they stay perfectly stagnant. This was supposed to be the sign,
the sign for me to jump into the water and starts swimming. But I ignored it. I
put the card back down in its own compartment and walked away from the shelf.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
The bookstore is
usually empty in the morning. The perfect time for me to venture in. I love
books, I love all of it. The smell of paper, the sound of the pages flipping,
the colourful and mundane cover, the place where books are stored, the inside
and the outside. This is what true love is, I guess. You accept every part of
the things you love.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
I walked around
the next shelf, the Young Adult section. My eyes linger lazily on the titles
display, touching them briskly with my finger, as if I could feel the story
slowly sipping in me. Some of the books I have already seen far too many times
that even with a single glance, I know which book that is. Some of the books, I
don’t even need to read the summary, I already know what it is all about. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Frankly
speaking, I don’t even know my purpose of being here. I just simply like books
and I want to be near books. The library is too far away, in the busy maddening
town that I have no interest to drive through a heavy traffic this early in the
morning. So I guess I settled in for the bookstore. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKWkXbMnDmCnjNtPoRLHanB9vd8U5BRVrRQn5smRvKc5OHUlMLvb0x6B2OutY0Nqy34ISVzuzneZZNTOwuPLe3-GiBeaQWEV6cRY21PC7XmhybR3DQPrKHb6l3wEKjS0h5ML6peSUWMgg/s1600/large+(18).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKWkXbMnDmCnjNtPoRLHanB9vd8U5BRVrRQn5smRvKc5OHUlMLvb0x6B2OutY0Nqy34ISVzuzneZZNTOwuPLe3-GiBeaQWEV6cRY21PC7XmhybR3DQPrKHb6l3wEKjS0h5ML6peSUWMgg/s1600/large+(18).jpg" height="214" width="320" /></a></div>
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I bend down
politely, letting my flare skirt spread the floor to scan the bottom shelf
books. I pulled a foreign title to me out and survey it. It has a nice cover of
a huge paper clip. “Paper Towns” is the title. I’ve heard of this book before,
and has once stumble upon it but I have yet to read the summary. Reading
summary is my favourite too. Waiting to see how compelling it could be. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
“What is the
purpose of life?” Suddenly I heard someone saying it. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
I looked up and
saw a guy around my age, looking too intensely at the back cover of a book. I
did not feel his presence so I quickly got up and brush unseen dirt from my
skirt and fix the front side of my hijab out of habit. It is fairly impolite to
crouch beside a stranger, mainly a man. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
He looked up
from the book and straight into my wide eyes. “I’m sorry?” I asked. “Are you
asking me?” <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
He smiled. He
had a crooked smile. “I was talking to myself but feel free to answer if you want
to.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
Usually I would
say no and walk away. That’s the thing, I prefer to be in the company of books
more than people. It is easier to understand books than to understand the human
mind. How ironic, actually. Since books exist because of the human mind. “To
obey, I guess,” I answered, surprising myself of the courage I found ever so
suddenly. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
“Obey what?” He
asked. He raised an eyebrow and it arched perfectly. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
“Who. Obey who
should be the question,” I said and answered, “God. The Almighty.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
“That was written in the Quran, right?
Al-Zariyat verse 56,” he said. I was surprised actually. He does not seem like
the guy who has the Quran memorized at the tip of his tongue. He was wearing
blue jeans and a plain button down shirt. I guess I am in no place to judge him
by his appearance. <o:p></o:p><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgR54oen6UT_gNrJYUm20qTBVM5tsZlWYIvQToq6SIKaETN3-mxHgfffhakXxrJmam9Ods3inKyEeGgTHYAu1JZ8wi0G457EDP-IZCS0PG1KHGYnDpaJM6H3x1D8lJ_ExuZ_2NNTtvoNJ8/s1600/large+(14).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgR54oen6UT_gNrJYUm20qTBVM5tsZlWYIvQToq6SIKaETN3-mxHgfffhakXxrJmam9Ods3inKyEeGgTHYAu1JZ8wi0G457EDP-IZCS0PG1KHGYnDpaJM6H3x1D8lJ_ExuZ_2NNTtvoNJ8/s1600/large+(14).jpg" /></a></div>
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“Yeah, I guess,”
I said. I don’t even memorized which verse it is. I just knew because it was a
normal input like when someone asked you who do you love the most and you would
say your parents without a second thought. A schema answer. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
“Are you from a
religious school?” He asked and without thinking much, I nodded. He looked down
at my wide square hijab, my <i>Muslimah</i>
T-shirt that went down to my knee and of course, the flare skirt. A typical
representative of a <i>Muslimah</i> dress code.
<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
He averted his
eyes back at the book. “You are lucky,” he said. I wanted to ask why but then
he repeat back the question with a
bright smile to cover his sad eyes. “So, what is the purpose of life?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
“I thought I
answered you,” I said, shift my feet, looking slightly uncomfortable out of a
sudden. The question suddenly came into my mind like it was the first time. I
tried to block the typical answer and search for the answer on my own. I have
lived for 22 years, following orders. Simply following. I saw in my lifetime
people found happiness and found the light and was brought back into the right
path. They seem to be in calmness. Me? I am simply here. Stagnant. Following
orders without putting my heart into it. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
I was blind to
something. Something that others could see, that I couldn’t. Something that I
missed in between the busy lifetime of following. Following. What I was asked
to do, I follow. Is that the purpose of life? Simply following?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
He smiled at me
again. I guess he saw it. “You are lucky to have the chance to gain the
knowledge, but you’ll be luckier if you put your heart to it.” He put the book
back and walked away without a second word. I began to feel tears forming at
the tip of my eyes. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
‘We are as indestructible as we believe ourselves to be.’ I
guess that was the push to jump in. To move from this spot. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
-MJ.</div>
Maryam Jameelahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17487853341188177818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-710082719934950659.post-69842136470165009242014-07-12T03:24:00.004+08:002014-07-12T03:25:13.745+08:00Day 12 #RamadanTazkirah: Escape.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWsfO1l06IL61e78N7KIKY2ePM0U6ts0yRSIVIeGTIlXoZ0CRUyNzi3etTgabZUc1g293J4R97BcfqBZ47OXZGyQbjlh2Ly1kiyxZ_uLEQuMRrWsbLebBYAu1-NDKl0rMw1-6rLXAO_2U/s1600/bismillah-31.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWsfO1l06IL61e78N7KIKY2ePM0U6ts0yRSIVIeGTIlXoZ0CRUyNzi3etTgabZUc1g293J4R97BcfqBZ47OXZGyQbjlh2Ly1kiyxZ_uLEQuMRrWsbLebBYAu1-NDKl0rMw1-6rLXAO_2U/s1600/bismillah-31.jpg" height="76" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Escape.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
One word, many thoughts. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Everyone, well, not everyone but most of us thought about escaping once or twice or a lot of time. Maybe escape from our problems, our past or maybe, just ourselves. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I talk with a friend of mine and we kind of get the similar idea that when we want to escape, we'll go far away. Some place where no one know us, a foreign place. Of course, we thought of going overseas. That, is kind of the best escape route ever. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUsQdFrffzv3goAygONfeIhAFx58E9_1S2Slfwu0An6k4MnStqKFBaS5_IX2w5aJE6aQXfXANt8LyYSXo9lnur8MJlDIFbYjN4ayeQ5pKbGr2C7gtlgLGfMt1UxEq90OQPKxma-O2iFfw/s1600/large+(10).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUsQdFrffzv3goAygONfeIhAFx58E9_1S2Slfwu0An6k4MnStqKFBaS5_IX2w5aJE6aQXfXANt8LyYSXo9lnur8MJlDIFbYjN4ayeQ5pKbGr2C7gtlgLGfMt1UxEq90OQPKxma-O2iFfw/s1600/large+(10).jpg" height="207" width="320" /></a></div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
One time I swore to myself if someone hurt me, or that I could not stand living with the pain of yesterday, I want to go some place far and disappear. Just simply disappear. Live life as another person. And I did came close to it when I got the offer to go to University of Glasgow in Scotland. So near yet so far away. </div>
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But that's me. </div>
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Whenever I tried to escape, Allah will pull me back again and again to the starting point. I will keep on coming back and face my past. Not physically but mentally. Sometimes it gets too overwhelming that I question myself why do I have to face this?</div>
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I could not stand being trapped. I'm like, literally claustrophobic [I mean it, I hate enclose spaces -_-]. I tried to push the door open again and again but it got stuck. But I was wrong, I thought that is the only door and that is the only solution but I was wrong. </div>
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Escape, does not necessarily meant that you have to go far away where no one knows you so you can start new. No. That is not the only way out of your problem. Yes, some of us could not handle the past and that is the only route out but some of us, who thinks that they are still trap.. that they can't escape, you know, you have another route, another way. </div>
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When I had a heart to heart talk with a close friend of mine and told her that I was disappointed that I did not get to escape overseas, she said, "Maybe UIA is your escape."</div>
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That is like a hard knock on the head. I never thought of another route. Especially not the route that I am walking in. When she said that, it got me thinking for quite a long time. And I realized that all the route that I walked down before this, I was did not just manage to escape but I manage to confront it. I manage to confront the things I want to escape from.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDKrzyGOkD3_yaYjM1cvLGeJ_IMqOWhlWg_iCifP433p4gq8oL4zD6-KRGfGi4lI0wAGzYDXsbDg9Mjq_xHGVidQl7cpwJxP_5kiJhE6M2hB7He8Of6aEcdET7AwQuxHlhd20H_jnI-Ao/s1600/large+%252813%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDKrzyGOkD3_yaYjM1cvLGeJ_IMqOWhlWg_iCifP433p4gq8oL4zD6-KRGfGi4lI0wAGzYDXsbDg9Mjq_xHGVidQl7cpwJxP_5kiJhE6M2hB7He8Of6aEcdET7AwQuxHlhd20H_jnI-Ao/s1600/large+%252813%2529.jpg" height="216" width="320" /></a></div>
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And I did find other ways to escape without having to 'go far away' in a physical sense but I guess I found my new escapes in a form of writing stories, playing with kids, doing programs and volunteering and such. Alhamdulillah. </div>
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I guess in a way, different people have different way of escaping and facing their difficulties and past. Of course, I still do want to go far away but I guess until Allah ask me so, I will do what I am capable of doing now. I will stand strong and face my fears, my disappointment, my dark, my broken self and my pain here. </div>
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So to whoever out there, if your are still searching for a way out, pray to Him. He will provide you the best solution. He will be the hand that helps you, the hand that guides you, the hand that answer all your doubts and fears. </div>
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Be strong. Dear you, be strong. =) <br />
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<span style="color: #990000; font-size: x-large;">#prayforGaza </span></div>
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Maryam Jameelahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17487853341188177818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-710082719934950659.post-61805973375126128492014-07-12T01:49:00.003+08:002014-07-12T01:50:40.291+08:00Day 11 #RamadhanTazkirah: Why support?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWsfO1l06IL61e78N7KIKY2ePM0U6ts0yRSIVIeGTIlXoZ0CRUyNzi3etTgabZUc1g293J4R97BcfqBZ47OXZGyQbjlh2Ly1kiyxZ_uLEQuMRrWsbLebBYAu1-NDKl0rMw1-6rLXAO_2U/s1600/bismillah-31.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWsfO1l06IL61e78N7KIKY2ePM0U6ts0yRSIVIeGTIlXoZ0CRUyNzi3etTgabZUc1g293J4R97BcfqBZ47OXZGyQbjlh2Ly1kiyxZ_uLEQuMRrWsbLebBYAu1-NDKl0rMw1-6rLXAO_2U/s1600/bismillah-31.jpg" height="76" width="320" /></a></div>
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This will be a very short post, I supposed.<br />
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So, support. Well, people support a lot of things. Some support football clubs, some support cause, support celebrities or belief. Varieties of support being sent out every day. How we support, what we support, that kind of things too define who we are.<br />
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Like today, most of us Muslims support Gaza. We keep on posting and share stuff and write status regarding our support. Well, the niat or intention, of course, we can't see but I say, alhamdulillah. We are creating awareness.<br />
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But what saddens me I guess is sometimes we do not know why we support. I can said this to myself from time to time because I support a lot of things and then it came down to me personally asking myself, what is is that I'm supporting or why am I supporting this?<br />
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I know, some might say... "Why, of course, it is for a good cause, because we are Islam, because we are this and that.." But that is not enough. Well, I don't see that reason as enough because I don't know, it is not concrete and wayyyyy bias?<br />
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Then I guess I kind of figure out that sometimes people support something for their own benefit. Maybe not regarding the Gaza, Syria, Mesir war but about something else like why do you support this politic leader and why do you support that football club. I don't know why I keep on repeating football club -.-' I don't even watch football.<br />
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Okay, lets look at a different angle. Some of my friends are starting their own business and I can't help it that whenever they promote something, I would buy it if I have the money. At one time I did ask myself, why did I buy it? Is it because its too tempting or because of the price? But no. It wasn't because of that.<br />
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Then I found the answer, if I were to open up my own business or write a book or do something, of course I need support right? Even though I know I suck at it but I need a kind hand to say 'Keep going' I'll be supporting you. And I guess, my heart realized this before my mind. I support them because I know they need it. I guess in a way, I am just the in between person between them and Allah swt.<br />
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Alhamdulillah, I guess Allah return the favour. Today, I too receive countless supports even from the people I do not know. So thank you.<br />
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[Macam lari topic je -.-']<br />
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<b>Conclusion</b>: Be supportive and support those who need it and be aware of what you are supporting. Don't blind-support stuff. =DMaryam Jameelahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17487853341188177818noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-710082719934950659.post-39037508257968917022014-07-09T02:01:00.005+08:002014-07-09T02:02:29.374+08:00Day 10 #RamadanTazkirah: Time to wake up!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvMLLq7Ani2tMpkh1G_srQLzUH2X2TSlbeXIHlG_00XQOxRZxQP5wKXpBvRnQODOhFfYhUZgZGhgr_OJgdGSG9ouF3exzwxnpPC3jt3I6DKiB7VAPGAg699vHR0MNlKSRmXhM4RjG9cv0/s1600/bismillah-31.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvMLLq7Ani2tMpkh1G_srQLzUH2X2TSlbeXIHlG_00XQOxRZxQP5wKXpBvRnQODOhFfYhUZgZGhgr_OJgdGSG9ouF3exzwxnpPC3jt3I6DKiB7VAPGAg699vHR0MNlKSRmXhM4RjG9cv0/s1600/bismillah-31.jpg" height="76" width="320" /></a></div>
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Days and days after scrolling down Facebook timeline, Instagram and such, I realized one thing.</div>
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There are a lot of heart breaking news than good news. </div>
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I think I've realized this months before and I just couldn't put it into worlds of how scared and mad I am to what is happening. Is humanity slowly declining? The world is coming to it's end, right? All I managed to do is talk to a few friends of mine about what is happening today and we would share some sympathy words and that is that. </div>
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I feel ashamed of myself because I did nothing to help them. Palestine today is at it's mid-climax war between them and the damned Israelis. I don't know what is going on there, of course, because I am not there. Yes, I did read about their well-being but no matter, we would never truly know what they are going through. </div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2zi3h6axTfvHEbuBE89-1QEsvd-beKLqn1sL_2rcwogKm_3V0MJlvMcZzAX-5VvzD-o9kRMS0KhE0YnV3aflRYaLV2bLX0WRMNsYAWssl-CRp6SNz6kE0qErIHUHgsH-jjTzE62QQZAw/s1600/1014266_10151437183390303_636998482_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2zi3h6axTfvHEbuBE89-1QEsvd-beKLqn1sL_2rcwogKm_3V0MJlvMcZzAX-5VvzD-o9kRMS0KhE0YnV3aflRYaLV2bLX0WRMNsYAWssl-CRp6SNz6kE0qErIHUHgsH-jjTzE62QQZAw/s1600/1014266_10151437183390303_636998482_n.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is a token given to me from Palestine.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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I read a bunch of real life war novels in Afghanistan, Iraq, Palestine and such but that is the closest I can get to know what they are going through. And even just that, I could not imagine how strong they are to endure it for years and years and more years to come. </div>
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My father has a friend, a Palestinian friend, Tamer and he used to tell us about how the Palestine became the Illegal country of Israel which, I personally do not recognized as such. Israel is the real terrorist. Anyway, when he told us that, I could somehow see the big picture. I think I wrote a post on that somewhere in this blog. I'll try to attach it later.</div>
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Today, right now, it has gotten much, much more complicated when the Western country, the so-called 'justice' countries interferes. I mean, how could you not see what is going on?! I mean, even if you can see it, how could you not feel anything?!</div>
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Children are dying... And yet you can close one eye and give your pity to the one who killed them? Really? Gosh, this must be some kind of a joke world I am living. </div>
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Right now, I envy those with power. I don't mean artificial super power, I mean the one who has the power to stop this. Country leaders. To lend a hand, to defend the honour of other Muslim countries too. Instead of defending your own honour and dignity. </div>
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While I am incapable to stop this killing, this massacres, this war... I will keep on sending out my prayer and I hope everyone will too. Non-stop. And try to boycott their stuffs too. At least we are doing something, right?</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxENTla07vpnCx0UH_8wyn_KmTBCG3AHN-Hi33a6jY1SwlT2Zp_QrUO0R5D90NvR4T7bmJLSoKLmFMe7L9_JduZRq16PstAvGxXFSFIJsVLoJUCp1uvcghyphenhyphen5C81JZ14j-31fKF6NaMoWQ/s1600/10421275_894992797197435_1485950152850310132_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxENTla07vpnCx0UH_8wyn_KmTBCG3AHN-Hi33a6jY1SwlT2Zp_QrUO0R5D90NvR4T7bmJLSoKLmFMe7L9_JduZRq16PstAvGxXFSFIJsVLoJUCp1uvcghyphenhyphen5C81JZ14j-31fKF6NaMoWQ/s1600/10421275_894992797197435_1485950152850310132_n.jpg" height="320" width="226" /></a></div>
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But even so,</div>
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I envy you. Yes, I envy all of you.</div>
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Because you get to claim that Syahid title easily.</div>
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Dying for Allah. Die because of Allah. </div>
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How free your soul must have been. </div>
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To face the Almighty, proud by being the Protector of His Deen.</div>
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I don't pity you, but I pity myself. </div>
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To not even have the courage to lift my pen and defend Him,</div>
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Yet you lift your guns, your weapon,</div>
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Fearless.. In front of the enemy. </div>
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Your soul Brothers,</div>
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Your soul Sisters,</div>
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Are very much loved by Him. </div>
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Keep on praying. Keep on praying for them. I know, I am barely doing anything besides uploading this post. I am yet an activist to travel far and be with them, am yet an activist to walk down the road shouting and chanting to defend them. Yes, I feel hopeless. Yes, you can say that to me over and over again. All I manage to do is share some post, write a few lines. </div>
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I feel hopeless. But I won't give up. I'll try. At least. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihYvUaPKt_CGyIgdUDztF6MwIwRqnrqWT3gy3i4ImS4pDqMTDMcZusGGNYRbMCpIIU0uGI9lkMQnyD_AmicunNTxM8Hs8y1dc9w1k8Y4ACSQrgy14sd7SZlls3whfKxfgMFV-PRdaGyik/s1600/10462648_10152592897173594_1657321339391386711_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihYvUaPKt_CGyIgdUDztF6MwIwRqnrqWT3gy3i4ImS4pDqMTDMcZusGGNYRbMCpIIU0uGI9lkMQnyD_AmicunNTxM8Hs8y1dc9w1k8Y4ACSQrgy14sd7SZlls3whfKxfgMFV-PRdaGyik/s1600/10462648_10152592897173594_1657321339391386711_n.jpg" height="297" width="320" /></a></div>
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[To whoever you are who keep on judging people, please restrain so. You do not know what is in their heart, what is in their mind. Who are you to say that they are not doing anything. To not be aware. I know a bunch of people who did not join the activist program, did not share status of their suffering but deep down they are secretly praying for them, secretly donating money for them, secretly persuading others, secretly boycotting.]</div>
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InsyaAllah, let us all do a part, even though it is small, to at the very least help them who are defending us. </div>
Maryam Jameelahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17487853341188177818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-710082719934950659.post-73819873541859836652014-07-08T18:11:00.000+08:002014-07-08T18:12:09.740+08:00Day 9 #RamadanTazkirah: How to love the things you hate II<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I just realized that I miss out on one very important question regarding this topic.<br />
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"Why love the thing you hate?"<br />
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Well, the thing is with us human is that we vary with ideas and opinions. Some might like this while others hate it and vice versa. So the definition of what are the things to hate and love varies too. Most of us tend to incline towards the things that we love more, obviously.<br />
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But what about the things we hate?<br />
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I read in an article that doing things that you love is easy,<b> <span style="color: #674ea7;">the real challenge is doing the things you hate</span></b>. And I was like, wow, right. I never thought of it that way before. Usually I will avoid doing things I hate like ironing and waiting. Yes, I hate ironing clothes. Too much of a hassle.<br />
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And another reason for doing things that you hate is because <span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>the things that you hate is good for you</b></span>. Like for example, sports. I hate sports, no doubt. I am more of an indoor person. But of course, sports is good for me and at times I force myself to enter sports competition.<br />
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My friend forced me to enter a running competition once. We had to run around IIUM and it's like 7km. I for one thing hate running. Yes, H-A-T-E. Not a strong dislike but hate. Haha. Because I always came in last and I will get tired half way. But when she asked me to join, I accept because I thought, "hey, who knows, maybe this is the starting point of me liking running, huh?"<br />
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And I came in 5th. 5th last out of around 200 participants. Haha. I end up walking all the way but what surprised me is that I did it. I walked/run 7km and I did came to the finishing line without giving up. That is an improvement.<br />
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Though I still hate it, but at least a small part of me would be thinking of joining again. At least I have the experience of doing it instead of shutting it out totally.<br />
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Another example is to cover your aurah. I know that Islam is not a religion of force. So we can't force others to cover their aurah properly. But at the very least, force yourself to cover your aurah properly. Alhamdulillah, I have been brought up in a hijab-wearing family but being quite a liberate person, my choice of clothes is a bit disappointing. I used to drown myself with the latest fashion regardless if it's really syariah compliance or not.<br />
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But when I woke up from that lifestyle, I forced myself to wear a better garment. It was hard, never said it was easy. I have to like throw away my dresses and jeans and short scarves. Well, I didn't exactly throw, just that I put it elsewhere and wallahi, when I look at them I would smile sadly and brace myself to be a better me.<br />
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I used to hate skirts, but now I love it. I hate kurung and well, I still won't wear it but I don't really hate it anymore. And quite surprisingly, wearing the Niqab helps a lot. Because when you wear a niqab, obviously you will observe other parts of your attire to make sure it will not look 'out of place'.<br />
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So, here I am, loving my loose jubah more and more each day. Simply comfortable and I don't even need the preference of the latest fashion to be my guideline.<br />
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Girls and guys out there, if you know the thing is good for you but you kind of hate doing it like waking in the morning or wear better clothes or listen to Islamic Scholars talk and such, try to force yourself because if it is good for you by nature then you will, insyaAllah, love it.<br />
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Just try. InsyaAllah.Maryam Jameelahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17487853341188177818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-710082719934950659.post-39066854346554612712014-07-07T01:26:00.005+08:002014-07-07T01:33:42.491+08:00Day 8 #RamadhanTazkirah: How to love the things you hate.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Sometimes in life you come across the things you hate first before you meet the things you love.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">You meet a person whom you hate before you meet the person you love. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">You have to face what you hate to love what you love. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">That's life. No one said anything about it being easy and uncomplicated. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But coming in terms of what you hate does not gives you any reason to run away, to escape it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">One thing that I learn about this life is to never, ever run away from it. Of course, I've tried but it keeps on coming back but than I found the courage to face it. Face all those muds and dirts. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I used to hate early marriage, or marriage altogether. I know, I know, it's wrong but I was in that rebellious stage and well, I have a bad terms with guys at such an early age so I mainly disagree with marriage. Once I even asked my dad if it's okay not to get married at all. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">He said it's okay BUT you wouldn't get any rewards for it. I was around 11 at that time so rewards was not as tempting at that time so I settled with the decision of not being married at all. Haha. But that stage last till I was 16 or 17. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Even when I was 16, I wrote in my diary (<i>still have that diary and entry. Lol. Going to show it to my future husband</i>) that marriage is a hassle. I disagree strongly with the fact that a woman have to listen to her husband. I hated that. I hated the fact that I have to listen to that <i>gender. </i>I used to hate men too, still have that tiny piece of dislike inside of me though, but I am learning. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">When I was 17, I still do not want to get married or at least even if I have to get married, it will be reallllllly late. I was still in that thought that marriage is a bad thing for me. I mean only for me because I used to be a ego-maniac, arrogant, stubborn girl towards the opposite gender. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But then I fall in love. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwZOstmLs_cP7oGZjmJIQwrnPgeAc9bxajnGaqNhZ2-Qqfiz9E0ZT_6LFGuAdIFenuPqOn7tliSy5eUpEukk7Y4HqMQe0IC0v6CJmkWI8bP1Gi-7vAHjPwnnTffrOwfa1t8tTqfG3Iv9I/s1600/8b72cbf6110d1b7589b67a5daf544ab2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwZOstmLs_cP7oGZjmJIQwrnPgeAc9bxajnGaqNhZ2-Qqfiz9E0ZT_6LFGuAdIFenuPqOn7tliSy5eUpEukk7Y4HqMQe0IC0v6CJmkWI8bP1Gi-7vAHjPwnnTffrOwfa1t8tTqfG3Iv9I/s1600/8b72cbf6110d1b7589b67a5daf544ab2.jpg" height="320" width="222" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">No, I still on that firm believe that I want to get married late. But that thought of marriage did cross my mind. And I was young. And I chose the wrong path. But I did not know. And Alhamdulillah, Allah protected me. Nothing happened. That guy had a girlfriend. Haha. And I know for a fact that <i style="font-weight: bold;">that </i>was not true love, was not pure. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">[<i>P.s, Future husband, whoever you are, wherever you are, if you are reading this, know for a fact that I love you forever and foremost and yes, I was a fool but I was young and I hope you forgive me for letting my pure heart be tainted even if by the time you are reading this, we are already married with I don't know, 3 kids? Know for a fact that I am human and know for a fact that my love towards you will suppress this foolish moment of weakness. And yes, I'm poetic, deal with it.</i>]</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Anyway, that awakens a part of me that makes me realized that marriage is slightly important and well, as years passed by, I met a friend and she taught me to love a lot of new stuff and one of those is marriage and early marriage. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Even if I have yet to get married now, I know for a fact that I am really looking forward to that day and I want it to arrive as fast as possible. It's funny, huh? I still can't believe I used to hate marriage.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The point in all those being,<b> <i><span style="color: #6aa84f;">you do not know what you love until you endure what you hate.</span></i></b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It might be that job or that course or that person that you are stuck with. Of course, some people would say, do things that you are passionate about. That only applies to people who have other choices but if you don't try to endure it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">BUT! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Endure it with an open mind. Well, I wouldn't used the word endure. Too negative. Embrace would be better. Embrace it. Find the hikmah behind it. Try to keep that open mind that one day you will love it and one day, who knows, it might lead to a better you, a better situation. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Besides, who says the thing you love will be perfect? Will came our easy? Will be all fairytale and sunshine? No one said anything about it being easier and better for you.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Allah never test his servant beyond what they can. He knows us and He knows what is best for us. Pray and ask for His guidance. InsyaAllah, <i>zettai </i>(definitely), there is a Hikmah. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So if you are in that situation that you have a strong dislike on, try. Try your very hardest. And look at it from a different view. A different perspective. Maybe this is a trial for you, maybe this is a way Allah wants you to get our of that comfort zone of yours. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Who knows? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It may not been easy, I know. I used to hate a lot of things. But then I try, no, I force myself to love it. And yes, I fell in love with the things that I hate once upon a time. And it felt good. Really good. To have lesser things to hate in this life. </span><br />
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Maryam Jameelahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17487853341188177818noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-710082719934950659.post-27696405205556045712014-07-06T01:45:00.001+08:002014-07-06T01:45:38.591+08:00Day 7 #RamadhanTazkirah: Ganbatte!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj0qIQ7OAWvfgje5kZLDxnkUOOjGr9gULsEqArRPPN3jvvr1HJ6376UAyLz6MAJ2Qqu-mZoJsAFVb1wazkbY0eSz_dfuyTY4P2SLtcy0_1F-qLrptrkpHIhofhuYhDD1VM528vhpa6E4w/s1600/bismillah-31.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj0qIQ7OAWvfgje5kZLDxnkUOOjGr9gULsEqArRPPN3jvvr1HJ6376UAyLz6MAJ2Qqu-mZoJsAFVb1wazkbY0eSz_dfuyTY4P2SLtcy0_1F-qLrptrkpHIhofhuYhDD1VM528vhpa6E4w/s1600/bismillah-31.jpg" height="76" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I think I am being too formal in this Ramadhan Tazkirah post and well, I don't think I get the message across cuz I'm being too rigid. Lol. So I'm back to writing like the old Maryam. I don't know which old Maryam but the Maryam that I am comfortable of being. In Malay we call it '<i>sempoi</i>'. Some people may like it formal, some people don't. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I simply like writing it like how I usually writes my diary. Yes, I still own a diary. Not digital, and not virtual. A real life, paper diary. Haha. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I don't really know what to share today. I went through some of my old emails and messages and blogpost and when I said old, I really mean like it was dated back during 2008 and below. OLD. Ancient archive.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Then I realized something, I had went through a lot of changes but they are not all at once. They are phases. You know, those phase that you go through your life as a human being, well, that's how it is with changes. I believe it is not just me, but a lot of you. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And I believe those phases is what makes us wiser. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Between those who arrived at the peak of the mountain with a plane or those who climb it, who do you think gain more experience and appreciate the peak? Obviously those who climb.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Between cooking instant Mee Goreng and the real Mee Goreng (<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">Yeah, I'm referring to myself here</span></i>), which one taste better? I think most will say real Mee Goreng but yeah,<i> Mi Sedap </i>is nice too even though I don't eat instant noodle. I still can tolerate <i>Mi Sedap</i> goreng. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj6s-nKt3joTh5F2X2Vpwg9C2mVoNiIN0EauQ2MPfKWiGyRo13gx0xeeEX3SWL9hyS56LtHMgvJvLfzbJFAHhqZ2r-jCgSeWjdlEllJDRU1rPpZ-BIDmnFFEzi8Cb1YSGZbJuJfYPJ1aM/s1600/IMG_93986983579818.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj6s-nKt3joTh5F2X2Vpwg9C2mVoNiIN0EauQ2MPfKWiGyRo13gx0xeeEX3SWL9hyS56LtHMgvJvLfzbJFAHhqZ2r-jCgSeWjdlEllJDRU1rPpZ-BIDmnFFEzi8Cb1YSGZbJuJfYPJ1aM/s1600/IMG_93986983579818.jpeg" height="320" width="259" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Anyway, like Miley Cyrus sang in her song The Climb:</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><i><span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">"Ain't about how fast I get there</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">It's the climb"</span></span></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Remember, Allah sees our effort, not our endings. So if you think you are tired of all the phases, think again. Allah is slowly shaping you into a becoming a better person for yourself, your family and insyaAllah, for the Ummah. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8Ac9aaUbd1IaPBpcHIvkXXD6zAlkzZ8uBUzg12QSt6P9ko-Wggx-XhKTjYa8i0e_6QoJc7h0uLvZ_1hYWri6Z_wxS2vK3RplXDC9UfPbnuKx4HJQDXEcuDpRXVsBCmVyQLzR9Kyp_N74/s1600/C360_2014-04-04-18-14-53-283.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8Ac9aaUbd1IaPBpcHIvkXXD6zAlkzZ8uBUzg12QSt6P9ko-Wggx-XhKTjYa8i0e_6QoJc7h0uLvZ_1hYWri6Z_wxS2vK3RplXDC9UfPbnuKx4HJQDXEcuDpRXVsBCmVyQLzR9Kyp_N74/s1600/C360_2014-04-04-18-14-53-283.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">No sweat about the fall. Everyone falls. Everyone stumble on their way to Jannah. The most important thing is to climb back up, to stand back and face the world. Be a better person, step by step.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">InsyaAllah, it will be worth the whole journey. =)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So, Ganbatte! (<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>It means Good Luck in Japanese</i></span>)</span>Maryam Jameelahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17487853341188177818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-710082719934950659.post-6502882416791211592014-07-04T22:25:00.003+08:002014-07-04T22:25:43.797+08:00Day 6 #RamadanTazkirah: Save me...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiv7WcBbc-ZpZobbOw6LO6z49pF0FYEh_weLFqs2ET1weGtZ4B1b50TJtSmt4AQ5-wy_VRj91kWAsLY6jRWO1GwUsSaaJtVBTa5v1E-pZNgth-XJ6xYF0Qi3OAKh6P8FscbXCX7DnVZZfQ/s1600/bismillah-31.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiv7WcBbc-ZpZobbOw6LO6z49pF0FYEh_weLFqs2ET1weGtZ4B1b50TJtSmt4AQ5-wy_VRj91kWAsLY6jRWO1GwUsSaaJtVBTa5v1E-pZNgth-XJ6xYF0Qi3OAKh6P8FscbXCX7DnVZZfQ/s1600/bismillah-31.jpg" height="76" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I'm lost.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Lost within time,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Lost within worlds,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Lost within memories.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Yet You remain.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Remain by my side. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Despite my heartless move to turn away.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">From You who fairs my fate. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMY2_iX6DX4rNQWQnNn6_Xklr2EMy5LBG5XXZC2MIuI80LxmTkxoqFzO1-s_Fw1fqEUYhRZc3x5Z20bGtqWxY-dOQ5mIx3DtzaIJtI9cM-KnajM1LOhp3vWDVSw2aP2qP2ZAZCYooOGvw/s1600/IMG-20140508-WA0008.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMY2_iX6DX4rNQWQnNn6_Xklr2EMy5LBG5XXZC2MIuI80LxmTkxoqFzO1-s_Fw1fqEUYhRZc3x5Z20bGtqWxY-dOQ5mIx3DtzaIJtI9cM-KnajM1LOhp3vWDVSw2aP2qP2ZAZCYooOGvw/s1600/IMG-20140508-WA0008.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Honestly, who manage to live their life happily and peacefully without a single thought of God in his mind? Well none. Because the belief of One God is part of our nature, a part of us. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We were sent down on this earth for that very purpose. To worship Allah. The rest is just a matter and a means to make us feel closer to him, to use our time wisely while we are waiting for that very moment to meet him.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">To be fair, I was lost too.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfTn3vL1IFimk8egqAozM4QYf3cRi4-wsv2coRdzsBysVxPBSET2UlxmVUrOpYg_ODYrHXmHC07SOeLhdCw_iUXQt5GItsB21vj2mZbUcW5FRDEmkJ7sY5tDDJ4dhEW_Lloy2uBPLyVqY/s1600/IMG-20140425-WA0009.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfTn3vL1IFimk8egqAozM4QYf3cRi4-wsv2coRdzsBysVxPBSET2UlxmVUrOpYg_ODYrHXmHC07SOeLhdCw_iUXQt5GItsB21vj2mZbUcW5FRDEmkJ7sY5tDDJ4dhEW_Lloy2uBPLyVqY/s1600/IMG-20140425-WA0009.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I was lost once, twice, plenty of time. I did not know the meaning of life but I was searching. I'm am a rather Right Brain person so logic could not add me up. I know that there is something on this earth that we are meant to focus on. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But I was still lost.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I choose to focus on entertainment, social life, being 'happy', being the center of attention, being lost in the world where I thought it was my lifestyle, my muse, my real self. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But I still cried of loneliness, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I still cried of insecurity, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I still cried of emptiness. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFLKF-J9rL-B_qwjM3FxUjbsHYw1v7fSkEYfov7mW_DljlSss-5UTLSzUUsZkL3t3ST2c2D7HW9h0fPQ4K2LN2iRr_0aKuE3n_ajddVURoF1xuncL5J1STMGrJFmfHFJkP-Mj_fKTG9lw/s1600/IMG-20140508-WA0004.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFLKF-J9rL-B_qwjM3FxUjbsHYw1v7fSkEYfov7mW_DljlSss-5UTLSzUUsZkL3t3ST2c2D7HW9h0fPQ4K2LN2iRr_0aKuE3n_ajddVURoF1xuncL5J1STMGrJFmfHFJkP-Mj_fKTG9lw/s1600/IMG-20140508-WA0004.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Those lifestyle was nothing but poison. I was lost. I asked Allah for help. I know He is God, but I did not know the reason behind the worship but now I do. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Our life will forever be empty and astray if we lose Him. We need Him. We need Him more that we thought we do. Cling to Him till our last breath. Till our ending. Till our new beginning. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We are lost, we need to be saved. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The only one who can save us is Him. The Al-Mighty Allah.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Alhamdulillah.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Thanks Allah, for saving me.</span><br />
<br />Maryam Jameelahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17487853341188177818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-710082719934950659.post-2336738993893821172014-07-04T00:50:00.001+08:002014-07-04T00:50:55.820+08:00Day 5 #RamadhanTazkirah: The Fault in Our Stars.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-7wKPBtAXy7s4D6a-ItNnpjVr3FpY6EJD1U8whdlJuhPDuAPYWPDHYamqfzoFCX6qUtMT31oj83l8QNGddzePDz9zJggH9hUGLJMq898-aSgpoejsJrTpzy5HFs512ZrGWy0iNla0_zg/s1600/bismillah-31.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-7wKPBtAXy7s4D6a-ItNnpjVr3FpY6EJD1U8whdlJuhPDuAPYWPDHYamqfzoFCX6qUtMT31oj83l8QNGddzePDz9zJggH9hUGLJMq898-aSgpoejsJrTpzy5HFs512ZrGWy0iNla0_zg/s1600/bismillah-31.jpg" height="76" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I just got my Driver's License today after months of passing my test. Looking at it at times I still could not believe that I can get it, that I can finally drive. Maybe to some of you the privilege of driving is a normality but to me its not. I used to have this illness and one of the things that I can not do is driving. My doctor said that I could not drive because it will be harmful to me if I do. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So I set in my mind that one thing I will be unable to do when I became an adult is driving. It was really sad because driving is sort of like a freedom to me, I don't know. Anyway, last year after I finished my diploma, a friend of mine urge me to take my driving license so after consulting my parents, I kind of did register and failed once but in the end, I managed to look at my Driver's license card and smiled and said, I did it. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1Sq5Yni-DQ99PS4RUSly_vgNSAL9zLEDNt8ezTOUbBOnsreawPHSNvoe1DPBVA5gzYW8YbJ7W8sZs4CmBkIDFJc_SDyejDcC6LjdxMXYGSqXQp5RFBqCIBH-Fj2vP5H8vuO59PsaCZCE/s1600/IMG-20140416-WA0000.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1Sq5Yni-DQ99PS4RUSly_vgNSAL9zLEDNt8ezTOUbBOnsreawPHSNvoe1DPBVA5gzYW8YbJ7W8sZs4CmBkIDFJc_SDyejDcC6LjdxMXYGSqXQp5RFBqCIBH-Fj2vP5H8vuO59PsaCZCE/s1600/IMG-20140416-WA0000.jpg" height="320" width="316" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">You know, most of us, unintentionally like to blame fate for not getting what we want. We always said, "It's my fate (da takdir)" or "It is not for me (bukan jodoh)". True, at times fate to intervene in between BUT what is written for us is not necessarily written that way. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Don't blame fate when you did not achieve something. Because blaming fate is like blaming Allah has flaws in what He wrote for you which He didn't because Allah is Perfect. His judgement and choice is perfect for you. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But remember the verse:</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #fffff2; font-family: Georgia; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;"><i><span style="color: #a64d79;">"Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves</span></i><span style="color: #a64d79;">.</span></span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> " (13:11)</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqJgFMROnQFxb-Kpy9qhZeyraTSLOewAh9NCJ1LJleolFeKrRjL413ZbdwyidmJNhd1IIJNdBXpbBYqptkxscYfinVIIiFvOq-q4OfIwuH4dyUGLN86xwt_pSgCHSZU6XO_bDZei5GVaQ/s1600/IMG-20140427-WA0007.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqJgFMROnQFxb-Kpy9qhZeyraTSLOewAh9NCJ1LJleolFeKrRjL413ZbdwyidmJNhd1IIJNdBXpbBYqptkxscYfinVIIiFvOq-q4OfIwuH4dyUGLN86xwt_pSgCHSZU6XO_bDZei5GVaQ/s1600/IMG-20140427-WA0007.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">While we are busy pointing fingers towards our fate, we are actually being stationary towards the betterment of the situation. It is not the fault in our stars, it is actually the fault in ourself. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">If we think that it is fate that we still did not get a place in the University, than work hard for it, think of other mechanism to achieve it, other route, other plan or other solution to it. Same goes to those who keep on complaining that they want to get married or want a better life, work for it instead of blaming fate. Remember, <span style="color: #990000;"><b>a fate is not fixed until you fix it. </b></span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtUl3oGfOj0NAsejF3RF6YDJWRiVffHIeIlq_ECtPB-U2cHpP_3M0utpIIMCuLhIZhMFnH3rFCJT7mimOuYua5gkjoeZlpEstPmoXBr1NspQdHBvfjwknhbvVL_YwcfsAb3YxoLPuMBng/s1600/IMG-20140418-WA0000.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtUl3oGfOj0NAsejF3RF6YDJWRiVffHIeIlq_ECtPB-U2cHpP_3M0utpIIMCuLhIZhMFnH3rFCJT7mimOuYua5gkjoeZlpEstPmoXBr1NspQdHBvfjwknhbvVL_YwcfsAb3YxoLPuMBng/s1600/IMG-20140418-WA0000.jpg" height="266" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">At times to we did find ourself saying, "We haven't receive the Light (belum dapat hidayah)" or "I was born this way". Dear, the Light has been shone upon you the moment Prophet Muhammad was sent down to us. The Quran, the universe, they are all signs. If you mean the Light as in the 'push', then 'push' yourself into being better.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">A little step is better than none.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I'm saying this because I too was once in this foolish cycle of blaming fate because I did not get my way, because things turn out wrong. But then slowly, a friend of mine said, "Allah's thoughts is with His servant's". Meaning that whatever we think about a certain situation, Allah will make it like that.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">For example, if we think that we are not going to pass a test, Allah will not let us pass because we did not have that confident in ourself, why should He, right? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">So always think positive and to never blame your fate. Remember, the fault is not in our stars but is actually in ourself. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKZrWmgbg3b-AmlyIhoSnFXlV9p3XnCozCjTyIoLHRig57aWrdR0xLWWpu1lTrsbsfU8KmLy3rDpJZ-K-K-h_D3hwHv8S0cgF5242wY-85iGfoE5M0SYtVB5biEVqKbYrfpi7ulAJ43eM/s1600/img-thing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKZrWmgbg3b-AmlyIhoSnFXlV9p3XnCozCjTyIoLHRig57aWrdR0xLWWpu1lTrsbsfU8KmLy3rDpJZ-K-K-h_D3hwHv8S0cgF5242wY-85iGfoE5M0SYtVB5biEVqKbYrfpi7ulAJ43eM/s1600/img-thing.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">p.s: I purposely borrowed John Green's best-selling novel's title. Lulz.</span><b style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> </b><br />
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Maryam Jameelahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17487853341188177818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-710082719934950659.post-62749815970481229372014-07-02T22:13:00.000+08:002014-07-02T22:13:38.529+08:00Day 4 #RamadhanTazkirah: Different Lens.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">At times we did not realized that we tend to look at people using a specific lens. We think that is the only way to perceive someone and we end up judging them. We are all humans and it is kind of natural for to judge a book by its cover first because we seldom know the back story. That is not the problem.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The problem is that we tend to stop there. Just there. We have our perspective and we did not even want to know more, thinking that our judgement is already superior enough. I know, because at times, I found myself thinking that way. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We can't avoid judgemental people or judgemental environment, true but at least afterwards, try to understand them. Try to understand others. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Like a wise person always says, "Put yourself it that person's shoe." Then you know it aint all that easy, it aint all that waltz. Sometimes, all we know is talk bad about a person, saying a lot of stuff as though we are somehow a telepathic. We aren't okay? Unless you can literally read and hear and see their mind.. wait, even then, you are not allowed to put a judgement. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">In Islam, we have the thing called, '<span style="color: #f1c232;"><b>Husnudzon</b></span>'. It is when instead of think bad, we think good about others. Instead of assuming lies, we shut our mouth and let the truth spilled from the owner themselves.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The way we see the world somehow shapes who we are too. Are you a negative person or a positive? Pessimist or optimist? And the longer we instil only that one lens of negativity perspective in our mind, we will grow within it and end up being a angry or and ugly person. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i><span style="color: #a64d79;">No one likes to be around those with an ugly mouth.</span></i> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Yesterday, I kind of stalk this poet's page, Fynn Jamal and I saw a lot of negative comments. People keep on judging her of everything she do, like her parenting, her lifestyle and such. I mean that is kind of fairly normal in a popular person's page or comment box. I saw the same thing in Felixia Yeap's page too. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I mean if you don't like them, fine. No one ask you to worship them but at the very least, try to see things in a different perspective. Make the world a better place to live by decreasing hates and rude comments. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Try to understand people's situation more than putting your ego forward because you think you are better than them thus you are not required to understand them. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Shut down that attitude!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Everytime you want to say or put a judgement on something, stop and rethink! At least ask yourself, "Do I want people to give me the same treatment?"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Of course not. So try. Try to look at things, situation and people from a different lens before your speak up.</span>Maryam Jameelahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17487853341188177818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-710082719934950659.post-23155958827516533702014-07-01T17:57:00.000+08:002014-07-01T17:57:57.255+08:00Day 3 #RamadhanTazkirah: Frozen Heart or Concrete Heart?<br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The heart exist as a representative of our whole inner self. Call me old-fashioned but I believe that the heart is fragile and once tainted, it can never be pure anymore. Most of our hearts has been tainted with sins and mistakes and dumb decision. That is normal because we are humans. We fall, stumble and stain ourself. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Remember when the Angels came down and washed Prophet Muhammad's heart? Because only he deserve a pure heart. Most of ours are tainted. Some of us taint more than the others and that stain is what determine how we react to situations and life challenge and how we submit ourselves to the Almighty. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But even when we have tainted hearts, Allah is the most Forgiving and most Merciful. He did not say that we can not enter Jannah, that He won't look at us. Of course He will, of course Allah will still accept us because He loves us. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The only different is what kind of heart do we have? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">+A Frozen Heart?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">or</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">+A Concrete Heart?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">What is the different between the two? Isnt it the same? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Well, for one thing, when something is <span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b>frozen</b></span>, it can be thawed with the warmness. If you have a frozen heart, at times the light or the warmness of the Deen can penetrate that icy heart of yours and in the end, you will have a warm heart. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But if you have a <span style="color: #999999;"><b>concrete </b></span>heart, well, the harder you tried to mould it, it will not be soft instead it will break. Those with a concrete heart is the ignorant, those who purposedly turn away from the truth because of their arrogance and egoness. Nauzubillah.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">In my opinion, you should never, ever turn away from Allah's Hidayah.<span style="color: yellow;"><b> His light</b></span>. Because the Light is a gift, a precious gift from your master and when you turn it down, do you think he will give it to you again? The chances is low, friends.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So if one day you woke up and feel like wanting to learn more about your Deen or to stop smoking or to wear the hijab, do not ever let it go. Try and try. Even though people will mock you and look at you differently, stand up and be proud to show them that you have received the Light from Allah. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">That your heart is slowly being thawed by Allah's Mercy and love. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Maryam Jameelahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17487853341188177818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-710082719934950659.post-80572147732054977512014-06-30T23:24:00.003+08:002014-06-30T23:25:41.596+08:00Day 2 #Ramadhan Tazkirah: Coming Home<br />
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>Bismillahirahmanirahim</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I was born in Singapore but I grew up in various places. When I was 15, we decided to migrate permanently to Malaysia but I started to really stay in Malaysia when I was 17 because I was still studying in Singapore during that time so I stayed at my Grandma's. Malaysia is a nice country, really. The surrounding, the life, it was fun. I meet nice people here and well, Malaysia is one of my turning point place. </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">But nonetheless, I still yearns for Singapore at times. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Because no matter how long I've stayed in Malaysia, Singapore is my beginning. No matter how wonderful a place is, our hometown is the best. The food, the culture, the people. We reminisce about this. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Why is that? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Because no matter how many time we say we did not belong there, we do.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">This in fact, is the same with us human being. No matter how wonderful our life here on earth; meeting the right people, living with the memory, laughing and said to ourself, '<i>This is life</i>.' Some part of us still yearns for a better place. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And that place is Jannah (Heaven).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We were there. We once lived in that world. And right now, we are just mere stranger in this world. We migrated here and as much as we love our life here, don't you want to go back to your home town?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">When I was a kid, the adults always talk about Heaven like how we can have everything there and that there is no evil people there and such. My dad always talk about how the river is filled with milk and juice and that if we want anything, it will come less than a split second. Of course, that opens up my interest to want to go to Jannah.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But as I grew older, that scenario did not seems tempting anymore because as we grew older, our mind starts to make sense of things. But still I wonder, why do adults still want to go to Jannah. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">What makes Muslims or even non-Muslims yearns of Jannah?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I guess this is it. Because we all want to go back home. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We are tired of living as a migrate. We are tired of all things that is not permanent here.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We want to go back to the world that we came from. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So guys, let's work our hardest to go back home, kayy?</span>Maryam Jameelahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17487853341188177818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-710082719934950659.post-24712972056012949222014-06-29T18:28:00.002+08:002014-06-30T23:26:11.516+08:00Day 1 #RamadhanTazkirah: Make it matter.<br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">When I was a kid, during Ramadhan, my Aunty would asked us to write a list of things we want and pray to Allah for it. Some of us wrote bicycle, doll house, new books and such and then we would pray and ask Allah for it. As years passed by, I started to think about this system and knew that something is wrong in between.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Ramadhan is a wish-granting season, no doubt. I've experienced it myself last Ramadhan when I pray to Allah that I want to be accepted to UIA. It was slightly impossible in my part because a) Rayuan Placement is extremely limited and b) I did not meet the requirement. But even so, my parents asked me to keep on praying and praying for it because <span style="color: purple;"><b><i>in between impossibility, miracles happened</i>.</b></span> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So I did and in the night of the 27th Ramadhan which is believed to be most prominently Lailatul Qadr, I land a chance to do my Iktikaf at IIUM's mosque. I was surprised and overjoyed because the place was extremely crowded and well, I just felt like I want to be there. It was no longer a want but a need. So I prayed that night that I have found the reason why I want to be here and alhamdulillah, I got accepted later on despite it being impossible. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So yeah, Ramadhan is magical itself. Its like everything you touch turns to pure gold and everything you thought becomes a reality. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But even so, some of us still pray for the same thing over and over again each year but we still did not see the sign of it coming. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_oH1AlyuZAliS2S5C1UNjYPoDhPISgcyudxq8-h6P-cgPr9g4Qa1iXAe0sXft1BaRutEJrW6PtIy0glsQDaDrN0jG5VzBB1H2swTUI56ijIeHxZKSyEX0jMdyixrlMyDwsXNQC21WY28/s1600/tKqwwGolCq.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_oH1AlyuZAliS2S5C1UNjYPoDhPISgcyudxq8-h6P-cgPr9g4Qa1iXAe0sXft1BaRutEJrW6PtIy0glsQDaDrN0jG5VzBB1H2swTUI56ijIeHxZKSyEX0jMdyixrlMyDwsXNQC21WY28/s1600/tKqwwGolCq.jpg" height="320" width="301" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It hurts isn't it? And somehow you would feel like it is not fair, like why would someone else get it but you didn't. Well, look at the quote above. I find it extremely true.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>"It hurt because it mattered."</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I got hurt when I did not get any IPTA in the first place and I guess maybe I have to feel the hurt first before I know that it matters to me. When we did not get what we want, we then came to realize that it actually matter to us in whatever terms. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The more we realized that it matters, the more we will be appreciating it in the future. So, make it matter. Make the whole process of hurt into the process of cherishing something. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Maybe you did not get the opportunity or you did not get the person you want or the place or lifestyle, but in between not getting it is that you gain more and more reason to hold on to it. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAs10glS68zB1WUKF2eFmQccT3FXY4Mo3QpEsw8Xjrx_yi35jYgQmywXvzXO6PLb8OSPoAX8qmsH0apeTnHlP_Du473zkh3kl3XGvyviDELvzuWz8jwLIcOzeBNyHvAfC32zfgqgoaxIs/s1600/rfABo9dE4w.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAs10glS68zB1WUKF2eFmQccT3FXY4Mo3QpEsw8Xjrx_yi35jYgQmywXvzXO6PLb8OSPoAX8qmsH0apeTnHlP_Du473zkh3kl3XGvyviDELvzuWz8jwLIcOzeBNyHvAfC32zfgqgoaxIs/s1600/rfABo9dE4w.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So don't lose hope. Pray and keep on praying. You do not know if your miracle is somewhere in between that rejection.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Maryam Jameelahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17487853341188177818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-710082719934950659.post-31817361518540100512014-05-18T10:42:00.000+08:002014-05-18T10:46:14.222+08:00Future Planning #1 <div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Bismillahhirahmanirahim.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So many people are getting married, are married and have
children today and seeing this made me reflect on my future. Haha, no. I
already reflect on my future countless times everyday but seeing those,
especially on my FB page makes me eager to write this post. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Constantly, people ask me of my future planning. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>“Nak jadi ape nanti?”</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>“Nak keje ape nanti?”</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>“Bile nak kahwin?”</b> Seriously, I think this question is kind
of rhetorical and overrated. I mean, if I can choose I have already chosen a
date. Wait, I think I have… 1/4/14. Haha. But the day passed by me like air
passing through a building. Doesn’t make sense, I know. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The <b>“Nak keje ape nnti?”</b> is preceded by <b>“Course korg utk
jadi ape?”</b> Not a teacher, definitely. If I want to be a teacher, I would take
TESL but I didn’t. Instead, I took DELS and now, BENL. English language and
Literature. Both are pretty vague and unique which is just so me. Haha. -.-‘</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So the answer to what my course produces? It produces
individuals who have a firm grasp in the understanding of both linguistic and
literature of English which is, in my opinion, something totally awesome. We
might not be able to fight in court, or design a house, or cure sickness but we
are what shapes the future society. Which is, once again, awesome and Malaysia
has failed to recognize this awesome Human Science courses being intellectual.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So anyway, future planning.</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBSzXRXjc2VQuIlL2mabt0tphvHcrVQ66UxUrMFFQhqJp7PvZXcMdKL__cwkXwvCvuIlGVxoxIiH6qcCYCTXUFZCIBmGfqP3wBtCGB25Encj1UNYRmEDUIHX7sWLjmhL3Q-HXFb7cgU5A/s1600/IMG-20140504-WA0037.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBSzXRXjc2VQuIlL2mabt0tphvHcrVQ66UxUrMFFQhqJp7PvZXcMdKL__cwkXwvCvuIlGVxoxIiH6qcCYCTXUFZCIBmGfqP3wBtCGB25Encj1UNYRmEDUIHX7sWLjmhL3Q-HXFb7cgU5A/s1600/IMG-20140504-WA0037.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lumut, Perak. </td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">When I was a kid, my answer to ‘What do you want to be when
you grow up?’ is a <span style="color: #b4a7d6;">teacher</span>. But in time, the answer changed into a <span style="color: #f9cb9c;">Detective
</span>and afterwards it just gets weird, a <span style="color: #e06666;">Crime Fighter</span>, a <span style="color: #93c47d;">Criminal Investigator</span>, a
<span style="color: #76a5af;">Travel Agent</span>, a- oh, this one is kind of interesting: <span style="color: #d5a6bd;">A</span> <span style="color: #d5a6bd;">Lollypop Man</span>. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">You know… those pakcik or makcik yang jage traffic sambil
pegang that stop sign? I asked my mother what they are and my mom answered, ‘Lollypop
Man’ and I got interested in being a Lollypop Man because I get to see the
smiles on those children every day. Haha. I’m weird and proud. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But when I got into that serious stage of what I am going to
be, during my SPM year, I have chosen to be a Psychiatrist. I like to do a research
on mental illness people and I want to be able to help the lost and broken,
those who people assume can’t be fix. The unfixable. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It was then that I realized my purpose of living. I want to
help others. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I want to be that hand that no one gave, </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">the shoulder that people would go to when they have a
problem and,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">that ear that listens to every tainted story and help them
out. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I want my life to mean something to me and to others. I want
to be important and I want to make others feel as much important. Their
happiness is mine. I want to be able to see that smile after tears and that
hope revived. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">That is by far the starting point of me realizing the
purpose of my existence. To serve others welfare. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So, after I entered KUIS and now UIA, the question just get
tangled and mix up and leave me hanging. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">‘What do I want to be?’ I began to
ponder and ponder. ‘What is my future plan after this?’</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">My <b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">first</span></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> </span>plan
was this: Diploma <b>--></b> Degree <b>--></b> Master <b>--></b> Get
a job <b>--></b> get married <b>--></b> have children <b>--></b> work till I retire and go travelling. Haha. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But after a few ‘adult’ and ‘wise’ thoughts. I have decided
to abolished that plan because, well, because there is no passion in between
and that is not what I want in life. That is what the society expects of us,
that is the usual schematic answer to future planning following schema is soooo
not Maryam Jameelah. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So I have decided to get married during my studies and I do
not want to get a job after I finish my degree. I want to raise my kids in front
of me, with my own two hands and at the same time, make a business of my own or
write. But at the same time, I want to continue study until PHd level
regardless of the difficulties and tribulation and the late age. InsyaAllah, if
Allah wills. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I want to be a full time mummy and housewife with a high
education, making my own money without having the fix hours of 8-5, and live
life for others. People will say that it is impossible but really, I don’t
believe in impossibility. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiG9oMdYPUyOYkxEw-E06u1Ywd8XIxbUUN-bFp15S5GBvo8ymHc_k5Qk1UN3-qbrAyvdGpsKJlzFObZ9YRowoJe5lnEjr1xGPCrhc9hmmw0BykIoybkVxRRX8bA3i7YHEMIaBYmeUaiwy8/s1600/superthumb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiG9oMdYPUyOYkxEw-E06u1Ywd8XIxbUUN-bFp15S5GBvo8ymHc_k5Qk1UN3-qbrAyvdGpsKJlzFObZ9YRowoJe5lnEjr1xGPCrhc9hmmw0BykIoybkVxRRX8bA3i7YHEMIaBYmeUaiwy8/s1600/superthumb.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I believe in my principal and rezeki from Allah.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I know my strength and what I am capable of, InsyaAllah.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So this is my plan and I know, some people gave me a look
when I told them this but pfft, this is my life, please. My failure, my fall is
mine. And I am willing to give my all. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But I always keep in mind that this is a plan I did for
myself (because I love planning, haha.) but Allah is the best planner of all.
He knows what best for me, regardless. So we’ll see. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Hence, I have given a thought of my future… how
about you? </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">P.s: The picture below was taken after Raja's wedding. We went to visit a TDLM warship in Lumut. It was a nice experience.</span></span><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTwHR4UQEiaMH0FocoLXQfehwdUaEFXOayTsBYj1s7NURb-oGoqObEPRkRiiCtXjmesWC40WjEsSi8ytshvhTg4Q0oz2bg3nTOz9PYUKMIZK93jCHqj1Xec2Z01peW2tGhWuPXPya7jIM/s1600/IMG-20140504-WA0052.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTwHR4UQEiaMH0FocoLXQfehwdUaEFXOayTsBYj1s7NURb-oGoqObEPRkRiiCtXjmesWC40WjEsSi8ytshvhTg4Q0oz2bg3nTOz9PYUKMIZK93jCHqj1Xec2Z01peW2tGhWuPXPya7jIM/s1600/IMG-20140504-WA0052.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is the Control Room.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRrScBOWYem9rsMXtZGJHskhiAdXmVgQPxthZ7rgUKINfeRlTjBciCS0OYygdKBAonsu3lti4yBVAHhcJfBiFHo8tQ4qQ5e2MaqwCqeA2VVLWn1wjJbqKGBFEW2YVVvgD0krnNEfGtOgQ/s1600/IMG-20140504-WA0048.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRrScBOWYem9rsMXtZGJHskhiAdXmVgQPxthZ7rgUKINfeRlTjBciCS0OYygdKBAonsu3lti4yBVAHhcJfBiFHo8tQ4qQ5e2MaqwCqeA2VVLWn1wjJbqKGBFEW2YVVvgD0krnNEfGtOgQ/s1600/IMG-20140504-WA0048.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Random Guy. Haha. This is their Rest Area. Serious awesome!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCLPm3ASeXHMBf8DwuO13vuIS7nqotj5R9JqwM6jDnxO6TeG9ctZIgoF75HUdiL31RWQeivZjebQ382iTGamCXx1mZO2jVPQBuMS421PT_hcl1AuJvfjPQmPh0db1VjulvKevJszCXDfo/s1600/IMG-20140504-WA0047.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCLPm3ASeXHMBf8DwuO13vuIS7nqotj5R9JqwM6jDnxO6TeG9ctZIgoF75HUdiL31RWQeivZjebQ382iTGamCXx1mZO2jVPQBuMS421PT_hcl1AuJvfjPQmPh0db1VjulvKevJszCXDfo/s1600/IMG-20140504-WA0047.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Ship.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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-MJxx<br />
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Maryam Jameelahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17487853341188177818noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-710082719934950659.post-59559457402243797212014-03-15T21:00:00.000+08:002014-03-15T21:00:04.429+08:00I'm only human.<br />
<br />
<br /><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>"But I'm only human</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>And I bleed when I fall down</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>I'm only human</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>And I crash and I break down</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>Your words in my head, knives in my heart</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>You build me up and then I fall apart</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>'Cause I'm only human"</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">-Christina Perry, Human</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Don't expect too much of me.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Because I might just crush you back.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sometimes, I think my life is a lie. No, I am a lie. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Am I a hypocrite? A pretender? A liar?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's like I'm living in a world full of lies,</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And I, being the inhabitant, is one of them.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I fake my smiles,</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I fake my happiness,</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I fake my life.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And the only pathetic excuse I can give myself is that, 'I'm only human'.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sometimes I do ask myself, who am I? </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And I never did get an answer. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And even if I do, I do not know if I can be myself around people.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Because they will surely despise me from the first sight. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">They won't accept me.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And acting is the only good thing I can do.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've painted the perfect life in people's eyes.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"She's that kind of girl," they said and smile.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm not. Trust me, I'm not. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm broken.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm tainted.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm lost.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And I'm searching for that kind hand.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">To hold me even though they know how ugly and horrible I am.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">To tell me that they will stay with me no matter how depressed and emotional I am.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">To be patient with my unacceptable attitude. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Of course, sometimes I do wish that I can be whoever I want to be.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But you can't.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The world have rules.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You are not free.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">They will be people out there condemning you.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yes, this post is emotional.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yes, this post is dark.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And yes, I'm tired of pretending. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">------------------------------------------</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUCGY9G1LEf-zjgUFXrtE0yzyGIPoJMTJI2q4AyUoSKeBZFJlmc8BYz8S45WgzUx8yOui8gHA8s3OGrEPsa64XFvMleJ3eXzdLyh3d8JdWSrz8TH2oo8ZwEG3VnF2rEY-5fm60Hkkh5vY/s1600/large+(2).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUCGY9G1LEf-zjgUFXrtE0yzyGIPoJMTJI2q4AyUoSKeBZFJlmc8BYz8S45WgzUx8yOui8gHA8s3OGrEPsa64XFvMleJ3eXzdLyh3d8JdWSrz8TH2oo8ZwEG3VnF2rEY-5fm60Hkkh5vY/s1600/large+(2).jpg" height="320" width="214" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Like I said, people expectation is too high sometimes. Just because we dressed modestly, posting Islamic status does not mean we are Angels. That one small mistake, will began the world of condemning. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">People used to talk bad about me. It is just a small matter that if normal people do it, they won't get judge but when I did it, suddenly everyone started to make a big fuss about it. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I'm human, people. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I sin too. I make mistake. I fall. I bleed. I choose wrongly.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Sometimes it makes my think.. 'Is it a good choice to change? To be a better person?'</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It hurts me that among those who wears 'tudung labuh' and 'kopiah' there are still judgmental people among them. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I used to be afraid of them. To be among them. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Just because you have never commit that serious a sin like us, does not give you the ticket to condemn us. To look at us with that pissed off look of yours. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_zi2BcqeZXGTk62tP6jqDTw8odcEiZEgznkRpRVSQkwd-oqVpR2KsH2fHQ_0Jopw6kFR0Ijvle37Z5SRJLDoWimO3XDNkV12aHjRiSiUxoiW4WyMJZiXcuvyEjLoseuLkaSjyTWnzHG8/s1600/large+(5).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_zi2BcqeZXGTk62tP6jqDTw8odcEiZEgznkRpRVSQkwd-oqVpR2KsH2fHQ_0Jopw6kFR0Ijvle37Z5SRJLDoWimO3XDNkV12aHjRiSiUxoiW4WyMJZiXcuvyEjLoseuLkaSjyTWnzHG8/s1600/large+(5).jpg" height="320" width="308" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">You and I, we are both Daie. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And I've been in the place of the Mad'u.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I know which kind of people that make me scared and seclusion.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So don't act up. Stop being judgmental. Stop looking at them with that pissed look when they did not listen to you. And never, ever think that you are better than them. NEVER.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I hope this kind of Daie will just vanish. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Judging people is already harsh as it is. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We are all human. Mistakes are a normality. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Be their friend. Be the person they trust. Be open minded. Understand them.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Be the kind of person you want them to be.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">-MJxx</span></div>
Maryam Jameelahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17487853341188177818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-710082719934950659.post-24177882642530371052014-03-02T22:27:00.001+08:002014-03-02T22:27:10.307+08:00Fake it till you make it.<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Assalamualaikum.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I just feel like writing.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I mean I have poetry test tomorrow and my heart is making that painful reminder of my anxiety so I decided to ignore it and write. Usually I write stories every week but since this week is so emotional and stressful, I decided not to write.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But I want to write an entry.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The title of this entry is from Hlovate's novel. Anthem, I think. Check it. Like... seriously check it. Hlovate is the best writer of all time apart from John Green. In fact, Hlovate's novel is what motivates me to be a better muslim and somehow gave me this <i>moi, moi</i> moment. I know, I'm being such a girl. Haha.</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is one of that moi, moi moments. Ahaa. Even though it has a grammatical mistake there.<br /><div style="text-align: left;">
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The conversation is between Minn and AO. I always find them the sweetest couple of all time. You have to like read it to find out. But really, <i>Versus </i>is one of the book that makes me strong enough to abandon my past and search for a better future. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So, <i>Fake it till you make it</i>?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Yup, that is what I learn throughout my life. Sometimes we don't get what we want but that is not the reason to go mopping around and feel sad. It was not meant for you. And what you get, well, take time to love it. Fake it if you must. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Because we are human. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We can't all be perfect and started liking it in just a second. IT.TAKES.TIME.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It takes time to accept the fact that you did not get what you want and it takes time to adapt what you get. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And it between the process, fake it. Fake liking it because eventually, you'll like it. We human just need time. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">That is what I learnt throughout stuff that I did not get. And times it may seem easy to mop around and blame fate but you are not doing yourself a favor. You are just making things worst. Blaming fate is like blaming the inevitable. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">That's one of Hlovate's too. Seems like its a Hlovate night. Haha.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Anyway, I did not plan to write on this topic. I plan to write about fear but hey, whichever.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Truthfully, I am not feeling well lately. Not my physical state, its my mental state. I keep on thinking negative thoughts and well, I got those depression overwhelmed feeling. I don't know why. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I keep on thinking how imperfect I am and how broken I am and well, how weird I am. I'm pretty weird, I know.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And I started to detached myself from people.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Maybe its all the subjects but maybe its me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I don't know. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I am not the type to get emotional attached to someone so I don't do expressing feelings and 'crying on someone's shoulder' well. Especially the crying part. Not.at.all.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Oh, but I'm good at faking my emotions, so we are back to the topic.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I guess at times you just need to act and well, deal with your problem all alone. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But you have Him, regardless. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And well, not everyone understands you,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">but He sure do. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And the best part is that He'll listen. Always. All the time. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So don't be afraid. Don't be reluctant. And don't be unmotivated. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">You'll get by just fine. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And maybe one day you'll fine that one person who fits perfectly in that missing piece of yours.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And well, you'll get through. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">You definitely will, Little Angel. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So, get back up and face the world.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Fake it till you make it</b>, Love.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">-MJxx</span><br />
<br />Maryam Jameelahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17487853341188177818noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-710082719934950659.post-33920267358474144242014-02-21T23:12:00.005+08:002014-02-21T23:25:33.209+08:00A letter to 22 year old Maryam<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">To 22 year old Maryam,<br /><br />I know… I’m just a year younger but I want to give this letter, or blogpost to you so when you read it back, again and again like how you read your past diaries and feel that need to smile and laugh and learn. <br /><br />So here is a few advice from past Maryam to future Maryam so future Maryam will know that past Maryam do care about her. Ahah. Ignore that. <br /><br />First thing first, know where you stand right now and don’t discard your past. Your past made who you are right now. Your tainted, broken, sinful life was nothing but lessons that you HAVE to learn from. There are reasons why that happened. Don’t feel sad nor feel ashamed. Jangan lah pulak bangga2. <br /><br />Be someone better than you are now. A better muslim, a better daughter, a better friend, a better sister. Progress every day. Make every day different from the one before. Grow and keep going. Move forward. </span><div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /><br />I do not know who you will be this year nor did I know who I was a year before but whatever it is, keep Allah as your target. Mardhatillah. Him and Only Him. No other, nor other will ever be. Yes, 22 year old Maryam… you are a bit poetic now. After all, you have to like, memorized 30 poets biography. (Poetry class, Dr. Mahmudul remember?)<br /><br />Older looking Maryam, if you are sad, remember your smile, remember your laughter, and remember those moments where sadness can’t penetrate your innocent soul. As close as innocent your heart could be. La tahzan, Allah will always be with you. A golden advice from your past.<br /><br />22 is a very important age, I know. It’s like the FINALLY! Moment yet I know you are sad too. This is supposed to be the year where everything that you aimed happens but yet, none of that seems close to happening. It’s okay, be patient. Allah has a bigger plan for you. But who knows, your luck always come at the very last minute. I mean, OUR luck. Haha.<br /><br />I do not know what else to say. Hmm… Oh, try to make a move towards something that will forever exist in this world. Like the one thing that you will be leaving for this world to improve. Be a Daie, be a Khalifah. And forever be one. <br /><br />Keep on dreaming. Keep on being you. I don’t know if you will be mature later on when we are 22 but I highly doubt so. Haha. It is okay, being mature is so overrated. Be childlike but make wise choice and decision. <br /><br />Accept advice, <br />accept failures,<br />accept changes,<br />accept imperfection.<br /><br />Stay cool.<br />Stay awesome.<br />Stay positive.<br />Stay weird.<br />Stay laidback.<br />Stay Maryam Jameelah Azhari forever and ever.<br /><br />Accept your past, embrace your future.<br /><br />May you be an awesome mommy to your future children, <br />A vain yet awesome wife to your husband,<br />A Daie for the sake of Allah.<br />A writer that changes like for the sake of Allah.<br /><br />Inspire and be inspired. <br /><br />I guess that’s all. So take a deep breath and have fun being 22. REMEMBER! You are much, much closer to death that I am right now. So never, ever forget to prepare for your death above everything else. Death, after all, is inevitable. <br /><br />Keep on writing, Maryam.<br /><br /><br />Yours truly,<br /><br />21 year old Maryam.</span></div>
Maryam Jameelahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17487853341188177818noreply@blogger.com0