So many people are getting married, are married and have children today and seeing this made me reflect on my future. Haha, no. I already reflect on my future countless times everyday but seeing those, especially on my FB page makes me eager to write this post.
Constantly, people ask me of my future planning.
“Nak jadi ape nanti?”
“Nak keje ape nanti?”
“Bile nak kahwin?” Seriously, I think this question is kind of rhetorical and overrated. I mean, if I can choose I have already chosen a date. Wait, I think I have… 1/4/14. Haha. But the day passed by me like air passing through a building. Doesn’t make sense, I know.
The “Nak keje ape nnti?” is preceded by “Course korg utk jadi ape?” Not a teacher, definitely. If I want to be a teacher, I would take TESL but I didn’t. Instead, I took DELS and now, BENL. English language and Literature. Both are pretty vague and unique which is just so me. Haha. -.-‘
So the answer to what my course produces? It produces individuals who have a firm grasp in the understanding of both linguistic and literature of English which is, in my opinion, something totally awesome. We might not be able to fight in court, or design a house, or cure sickness but we are what shapes the future society. Which is, once again, awesome and Malaysia has failed to recognize this awesome Human Science courses being intellectual.
So anyway, future planning.
When I was a kid, my answer to ‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’ is a teacher. But in time, the answer changed into a Detective and afterwards it just gets weird, a Crime Fighter, a Criminal Investigator, a Travel Agent, a- oh, this one is kind of interesting: A Lollypop Man.
You know… those pakcik or makcik yang jage traffic sambil pegang that stop sign? I asked my mother what they are and my mom answered, ‘Lollypop Man’ and I got interested in being a Lollypop Man because I get to see the smiles on those children every day. Haha. I’m weird and proud.
But when I got into that serious stage of what I am going to be, during my SPM year, I have chosen to be a Psychiatrist. I like to do a research on mental illness people and I want to be able to help the lost and broken, those who people assume can’t be fix. The unfixable.
It was then that I realized my purpose of living. I want to help others.
I want to be that hand that no one gave,
the shoulder that people would go to when they have a problem and,
that ear that listens to every tainted story and help them out.
I want my life to mean something to me and to others. I want to be important and I want to make others feel as much important. Their happiness is mine. I want to be able to see that smile after tears and that hope revived.
That is by far the starting point of me realizing the purpose of my existence. To serve others welfare.
So, after I entered KUIS and now UIA, the question just get tangled and mix up and leave me hanging.
‘What do I want to be?’ I began to ponder and ponder. ‘What is my future plan after this?’
My first plan was this: Diploma --> Degree --> Master --> Get a job --> get married --> have children --> work till I retire and go travelling. Haha.
But after a few ‘adult’ and ‘wise’ thoughts. I have decided to abolished that plan because, well, because there is no passion in between and that is not what I want in life. That is what the society expects of us, that is the usual schematic answer to future planning following schema is soooo not Maryam Jameelah.
So I have decided to get married during my studies and I do not want to get a job after I finish my degree. I want to raise my kids in front of me, with my own two hands and at the same time, make a business of my own or write. But at the same time, I want to continue study until PHd level regardless of the difficulties and tribulation and the late age. InsyaAllah, if Allah wills.
I want to be a full time mummy and housewife with a high education, making my own money without having the fix hours of 8-5, and live life for others. People will say that it is impossible but really, I don’t believe in impossibility.
I believe in my principal and rezeki from Allah.
I know my strength and what I am capable of, InsyaAllah.
So this is my plan and I know, some people gave me a look when I told them this but pfft, this is my life, please. My failure, my fall is mine. And I am willing to give my all.
But I always keep in mind that this is a plan I did for myself (because I love planning, haha.) but Allah is the best planner of all. He knows what best for me, regardless. So we’ll see.
P.s: The picture below was taken after Raja's wedding. We went to visit a TDLM warship in Lumut. It was a nice experience.
|This is the Control Room.|
|Random Guy. Haha. This is their Rest Area. Serious awesome!|