Sunday, November 25, 2012

+Parents; they are your everything to be better+


I wanted to write those trevelogs about my journey last 2 weeks but the mood of it just doesn't seem to come. Oh, well, guess I just have to wait till I get my moods in here *pointing to my dear heart*

Right now, suddenly I have the feelings to write something else..

I have my reason for every single thing that I do and some of those reason may sound illogical but, yeah.. It seems logic enough for me. So, there are reasons why I want to be someone better in life and there is a reason why sometimes I want everything to be 'perfect'.

The reason why each day I struggle to be a better women and to be someone worth the mere existence is of course, because of Allah swt and Rasulullah saw. But there are 2 other individuals that I'm striving my every bit for.

They are my parents.

I wanted to be someone that my parents are proud of, someone that they know are worth their every hardship. Someone that they can smile when they say, 'That's my daughter'. I want to be the one who can pray for their future and their life. Their hope, and dream. 

I used to be an ungrateful child when I was young. I mean, I am still young but when I was much younger.. During, urm, my early adolescence years.. That 'rebellious' year.. You get what I mean. I never know how hard they work for us to have a better life. All I know is if I did not get what I want, it's their fault. I know right! If I can walk back to my past self I would have slap her real hard. Its a good thing I can't.

But as years I grew older and well, wiser.. Ahaha. Well, atleast had that 'eye opener' moment that I realized I love my parents too much and I can see their hard work, their pain of raising up 6 children, their hope that they put when the raise us up.. I mean raising kids are like practically gambling. It's just luck how they turn up to be. That fear of an unexpected outcome.

I love this pic of Ummi. Even made it as a wallpaper!

Even though I don't really know how it really feel but I can see it. If one day, I were to have children, I want them to be someone I can be proud of and are the pride of Islam. I want them to have at the very least the basic of Islam like how my parents gave me. Of course, there is that fear if it end up a twist but I will forever pray to Allah that they will turn up as Allah's liking. 

Just as I hope how I will turn up to be. I have a lot of time disappoint them but yet, they never ever once bring it up. Like when I failed my O-levels and waste all their thousands of money for it, like how once I wrongly choose friends, but they still have the strength to bring me up. 

Cehh, nak jugak Abi posing..

So Ummi and Abi if you are reading this, I thank you and I'm so sorry for the hardship I put you guys through. I know, I'm such an ignorant and selfish and hard-headed at times. But I promise you, I will try my very best to be that pride or yours and of course, the one that when Allah asked you will not have the hard time to answer. I'll take care of you forever and always and I will forever put you first, even when I got married later on. Haha.. no, that I can't but I will put you first before myself, forever and always. 

And dear Allah, I pray for my parents Jannah and that you repay every single goods that they have given me that I, myself can't seem to repay. I pray that they will have a good life now, and the hereafter. And that we'll be together, forever and always.


Thursday, November 15, 2012

Special Entry; Happy Birthday, Raja!

Assalamualaikum, Dear..


"Everyday is a day closer to death,
But all to well, we need to live too.."

So Raja? How is being 20 so far? 
Haha.. I da nak 21 soon tauu.. U bru je 20.. 

I don't think there is any different pun of age.. 16, 18, 20.. 
They are all the same apart from different education stream.

Anyway, I nak bagi u advice pun.. I tak tau ape.. Cuz you're the one yg slalu bgi I advice..
So, thanks alot! And Congrats!
Haha, congrats for having the highest pointer. 

And for the 'thanks'..
I want to thank you for being a friend that change my life for some reason =)
I am the kind of person who gets paranoid easily but you always manage to shake some sense into me..
Of course, no one is strong enough alone.
And you always manage to be that one reason that I know, I can be strong.

Thanks for being someone who understands me..
We fought but we always manage to make up.
Thanks for wanting to be my friend..
You know what? When I first saw you during Orientation Week.. The way I saw you, you're that type of person with this outgoing personality and I am not good with outgoing type of people because well, I'm not one. 
So, I am kind of surprise that we manage to be friends =D

And I felt lucky..
Lucky because I found someone that help me recover my relationship with Allah.
Friends till Jannah, hopefully.

Thanks again for helping me in my studies,
Helping me to be strong,
Helping me in being a slave to Allah,
Helping me to be enthusiastic again,
Helping me in seeing life as widely as possible. 
To see that chances is everywhere, everytime I failed.

It is fate that we met,
It is fate that we became friends,
And it is Allah that pulls those strings together.
So I thank Him, for your existence.

Once again, Happy Birthday, Raja!
The only advice that I have for you, is to not go on, slacking around next semester! Haha.. Strive hard, kay? So you'll manage to get a 4flat pointer. 

I pray that you'll be a good daughter, wife and mother, InsyaAllah.
That you'll live your dream and well, so we can meet again in Jannah, InsyaAllah!   

Just so you know, we may not be entirely alike but that doesn't mean we can't get along.
So, thank you Raja! Thanks for being that person Allah send to me to remind me of Him.

Oh, and before I forgot..


Thursday, November 1, 2012

+Begin Again+

Hey, Assalamualaikum..

Okay, so I have this writer's block for like a week or so that I can't even start writing my blog so now, after this morning, I'm ready to start again! Haha. 

You might ask, "Why? What happened that morning?" Well, the thing is.. Have you ever had that random thought that suddenly popped in your mind the moment you open your eyes, or maybe not even open your eyes but when the moment your brain start working, popped random saying, quotes or maybe even songs.. 

Like what I got this morning.

I woke up for sahur and randomly the song Begin Again by Taylor Swift was playing and that for some reason the voice in my head said, "Well, we said that we wanted to give up on things sometimes and maybe did when things are not working out but eventually we 'begin again'"

I know! Most of the time, it is my random head-voice in the morning that gave me courage to pursue the day. Haha. So maybe I should tell a bit about this song for you to have like a background knowledge.. 

Well, hmm.. It is basically a song about a girl going through a break up and thought that she would never fall in love again but eventually, "But on a Wednesday in a cafe, I watched it begin again" As per the chorus said. I know, cliché.. but its Taylor Swift. She makes cliché sounds interesting. 

I know, I love her dress too^^,

Anyway, back to the discussion.. Well, its not really a discussion because I'm the only one with the ideas here.. Okay, whatever. So, you can view this song as a post-mortem of a break up, but I view it as something more than that.. 

It can be that small courage to stand back up after a fall, 
to continue smiling after a heartbreak, 
to start working again after losing all the data(yes, I'm referring to virus)..    

I mean, all of us went through hard times and not all of us can recover fast.. Some of us lie down that cold hard ground longer than the others and some of us climb back up the moment he falls.. We could not compare our fast recovery to those who took longer.. Maybe our situation is less severe.. 

So, just a piece of advise.. Do not ever give up. Know that one day, you will recover.. Will begin again this journey..  

If you feel that you are not able to love anyone anymore, know that one day that prince will come riding that white horse and you'll learn to love again. 
If you lost a competition and thinking that no way you will be able to compete again, one day that courage will come to you back. 
If you think that life is over for you, trust me, one day.. You will wake up and smile and feel the strength to begin again.

Anyway.. I always wanted to share this photo because I think it looks beautiful somehow. This was taken during the DELS Raya Celebration. There, wearing blue in the middle is my lovely mentor, Mdm Aishah.. She's really beautiful and I just love the way she speaks. Besides her on the right is my first favourite lecturer who taught me Linguistic 1, Mdm Aliya. 

On her left is, well, something embarrassing happen.. When giving out the invitation for the lecturers, I though she was Ms Mahanum and so I gave it to her with full confidence and she when she said, 'That's not me'. I was like, is she joking with us? And she continue, saying.. 'I'm Mdm Hafida' I was like, 'Sorry, I totally spaced out' and add some lame excuse.. It was mega embarrassing! I hope she did not remember it is me. 

Oh, and the far-left is my classmate, Anisah yg suke sibukk bile amek gambar. Haha. But somehow she looks like a cute lecturer here. Haha.