Days like this...

Salam~

I want to talk about today. 

Ha. Not precisely. Guess what happen today?

I got a scar! On my left hand index finger . From a cat. I just wanna scratch his/her tummy but I end up getting a long scratch. Harsh! 

I got a new notebook! Haha. I've been collecting notebook since forever. And right now I have 4 or 5 really expansive notebook that I don't have a heart to taint on it. So it is left unwritten. I'm not sure about this one. I'm too 'sayang' to use it. The cover has a sort of gothic theme. And the pages inside too. 

My pink LG lollipop cell phone got socked by water today. I love that phone! Even though it is not a smart phone or some latest phone, it is still too unique and it has that 'Maryam' touch to it. So far, I am the only one that I see using it here but alas, I have yet to know the rest. Anyway, its fine. Only the secret light and the message up front flickers randomly. But overall it is fine.. I'm just a bit dramatic cuz I love that phone. 

Hmm, what else?

Ah! IT quiz cancelled! Haha. We'll be having an open book test tomorrow instead. Along with Literature.. Urg! I love Literature but I hate quizzes. Sue me~

Ohh.. KUIS has this open house, university, whatever.. And I was not really that hungry because of that time of the month but I end up getting some smoked/grilled lamb.. Freakin' nice! Tralala.. I happen to love lamb. Haha.

I guess that's all. I've been having that out-of-focus moment lately. I guess it may be because of the low blood pressure but still. 

Enough of this too factual daily-life story. Today I kind of have a mixed emotion kind of thing. I'm a suspicious person. I just can not help it that I have a hard time trusting people. It's not my fault that I think everyone has a motive against me and am using me for their own benefit. I'm insecure, I get it.. So when I get this feeling I kind of hate it because then I'll be pushing everyone out! Out of my life, out of my thought. I'll end up alone. 

That is why I never really did welcome anyone in, especially guys. I always think of a conversation as playing chess.. One wrong move and they'll kill you. So I have to be careful, to stand my guard. When will I ever feel secure again? 

That is just it. Like I said, Happily ever after only applies to weaklings. Because they can't take up reality like a real pro. Haha. I'm not a pro, not at all. I'm still that girl, floating on air.. waiting for an angel to catch her. Okayy, da merepek. Tralala. 

-MJxx