Before I start, I would like to apologize to people who were offended by me. Really, I'm sorry so accept my sorry cuz I'm nt gd at giving it out.
Well, this is obviously an entry regarding the niqab and yes, I know that some people have that 'dislike' perception towards me about it. They may not confront me but end up talking about it behind my back which I find rather cowardly. I mean, if I did something wrong, tell me. I'm not the type to feel offended easily.
So, the thing is.. people have their own reason and perspective in wearing it.. My friend once asked me, "Asal kau pakai nie? Ape pantang larang pakai ni? Aq tak paham lahh"
And my brother once said "kak, ape use akak pakai.. tepi nie nmpak ckit" .
The thing is, I already stated why I wear it and I did not 'mewajibkan' myself wearing it. Some get offended when they ask: "Sampai bile nak pakai nie?" and I answered, "Sampai kahwin nnti, InsyaAllah." And they r lyk.. asal smpai kahwin je.
I get it, I'm nt all that good, all that saint so I might get married to someone who does not like me wearing it and well, I just have to listen to him. He is my husband, for heaven sake. But I pray that I'll get someone who will be my strength to continue wearing it.
I admit that I took it off when eating because its really, really hard to eat and wear it at the same time.. Don't ask me if I've tried it cuz I have. Alot of time and I ends up getting all messy. But I usually situated myself where people won't walk infront so if they happened to walk infront then, what to do, I tried.
And there's people who did not like me wearing it like my grandma.. She used to chase away my mom from home because my mom wore it and not until she took it off, then my grandma welcome her back. So whenever she is around I would not wear it. I do not want to offend her and she's already old and have some health problem so sometimes, I value making her not mad more.
After all, its not like I'm with her 24/7.. I seldom meet her so when I do, I sacrifice a bit. It is painful though, to not wear it. It feels trapped somehow.
So before you start to point finger at me and say those things, please listen to my side of the story.
Yes, I'm not that pious..
I'm not an Islamic Course student..
I am an ustaz daughter but at times, I do not act like one..
I have my tainted past and never a day pass that I do not feel guilty about it..
I admit, I'm not one to say whether something is right or wrong..
Because when I wear the niqab, people are really surprise that some are speechless. The reaction in their face. But please give me a chance to improve myself.. When I'm wrong, do tell. Tell me what I did wrong because I might not know what I did wrong. I might forget it, remind me.
So if I might have to take it off one day if the situation begs me to, so don't go all blaming and stuff but I sure hope I won't. I sure hope that I can wear it till forever ends and even beyond that. Just so you know, I love my niqab, I love wearing it.
Call me whatever things u want; nt sincere, wanting fame, desperate for attention, acting pious or whatever I don't care.. Because what I'm doing is between me and Allah. Allah knows my intention and He knows me best so if you want to start hating me or questioning me, do so. Just so u know, if you havent heard my part of the story.. dun judge.
Everyone have their own perspective.. mine not be 100% right either. And I love my niqab, I love wearing it so don't think I don't. There are things that I value more sometimes. And I might want to one day bring up the name of niqab and do things that they think a Niqabist cant do.
-MJxx
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