The Quran Recitation; most beautiful melody ever.

Assalamualaikum ^^,


This is the continues story from before.. Well, frankly speaking.. My internet sorta broke down last week so i have a lot of free time that I decided to write. This is initially from an Idea of an Islamic English Novel that I've thought of 2 years ago. Alas, I have yet to write about it. 


^^,


p.s: I've finished reading 'The Scarlet Letter', my first classic literature novel! It is fanta-bulous!


***

(..Continue)


I woke up by the sound of someone reading, no, reciting to be precise.  It’s so beautiful that my tears were on the verge of lashing out again. I’ve heard it countless times but I never felt this overwhelming before. It was a Quran recitation; the most beautiful melody ever heard. If I could choose my way of dying, I would choose to die with recitation of the Quran accompanied me through my dying day, reminding me that I’m only a step away to meeting my Creator. 


“Mardiyyah,” Someone called out my name. The Quran recitation had stopped. Slowly I opened my eyes and saw my grandma standing over me. She was wearing her white praying attire and looked down at me with such concern eyes. “Grandma..?” I slowly rise up to a sitting position. Ouch, my head still hurts though. 


“What happened?” She asked, typical grandma. 


“I don’t really know. I was about to ask you. The last thing I remember was…?” Wait, what was the last thing I remember? I recalled having a headache and heartache, but what was the cause of it? Grandma must have notice my long pause that she cut me, “It’s okay. Whatever it is, do have some rest okay? I do not want you out of the bed.” 


“But I haven’t pray my Zuhr,” I said with an innocent face. “What?! It’s almost 3.30pm. Now, my Dear,” Grandma said, forcing me to get out of the bed. How ironic. 


I quickly perform my Zuhr prayer but my mind could not stop thinking about my sudden blackout a moment ago. Oh Allah, I need to focus! Stop it. Whatever it is, it can wait after I finish performing my prayer. It’s kind of ironic, few months ago I could not careless about Salah and yet, now I was trying so hard to focus in one. A lot has been going on with me this past few weeks but I’m glad. I’m glad that the changes I did for myself was the right one. But yet, something was bothering me.


After I gave my second salam, Grandma came inside my room and sat on my bed. I looked at her with an invisible question mark on my head. Grandma just shook her head and gestured to me to ignore her present there. I turned around and lift my hand to read my after prayer du’a. I did not really have a specific du’a most likely because I haven’t memorize one but I have a du’a that I created myself that only Allah knew. After I finished, I went to my Grandma and kiss her hand. She looked at me with those soft eyes when I looked up and saw a tear about to escape her right eye. 


“Grandma? Are you okay?” I asked, sounded concern.  I was concern about her. She was the closest one to me, even closer than my parents ever were to me. I didn’t like to see her sad, much less cry. I rose up and sat beside her. 


She was suddenly aware of that tear and wiped it away. “Oh, nothing dear. I’m just… a bit touched seeing you like this,” she said, looking at me. She must be referring to my changes. I looked away, suddenly embarrassed. Grandma was the happiest person when she knew that I started wearing a Hijab and started practicing Islam back. In fact, she supported me the most that she started to give advice and motivational words in order to keep my spirit up. I never could get through that rough patch if it wasn’t for grandma’s hand helping me through. 


I looked back at grandma but before I could say anything she hugged me. This time, she really did cry. I hugged her back and buried my head in her long gray hair. I could not cry but I could feel tears started to fill up but it refuses to go out. After awhile, we sat there with nothing but silent. Words cannot convey how thankful I am to Allah for giving me such a wonderful grandma. 


The doorbell rang that broke our tranquil moment. Grandma quickly wiped away her tears while I suddenly became aware of reality. “Who’s that?” I asked grandma. Grandma shook her head slowly while retreating to her room to wear her scarf. I quickly took off my praying attire and fold them as neatly and hurriedly as I could and reached out for my Hijab. Luckily I was wearing a decent long sleeve t-shirt and a slack pants so it did not took me much time to cover my Aurah. 


It was a reflex thing that I learnt from the past weeks. No matter if it was a female or male, I would dress properly before opening the door. Grandma got to the door first before me. Behind the door revealed a guy about my age with a messy brown hair and an annoying smile that made my interest of knowing who the mystery guest was decrease rapidly.


 “Oh, it’s you,” I said with an indifferent tone and went inside the living room. 


(To be continue...)

Because your heart beats within mine..

Assalamualaikum^^,

Well, this is a story that I come out with. Enjoy!

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"Because your heart beats within mine"

I heard you.


I heard your voice inside my mind. I was scared. I'm not scared because it is unnatural for some people to hear others voices in their head but I'm scared because its your voice that I hear. 


You, the one that turn away from me.
You, the one that I try so hard to block away.
You, the one that leaves my heart bleeding.


I opened my eyes  slowly to see if I'm dreaming but no, I'm not. I stared at the ceiling not knowing what I was looking at exactly. Out of sudden, without my concious, my eyes began to start blurring. No, no.. I'm not going to.. cry. 


Tears began to stream down my cheek, faster by minute. No, I can't make it stop. I do not want to cry! I do not want my tears to be his. I can't let this weakness took over what I've held so highly. But I can't make it stop. Soon, those tears turn to sob. I began sobbing and that was when my mind began to play various images of him. 


His laugh, 
his smile, 
his ever-so-eager attitude to try something new, 
his anger expression, 
his warmth, 
his care.... his last expression. 


No, I do not want to remember that. I do not want to remember his last expression. In fact, I hate that last expression because those expression hunt me inside my dreams, turning it into nightmare. 


I wiped my tears but it is no use. More of which I do not know replacing the wiped ones. Lying down alone on a bed at 7am in the morning is no use either. I grabbed a pillow beside me and cover my crying face. This somewhat comfort me as those sobs, I felt could only be heard by me. As though it feels like I'm in the place I could claim my one, my own space.


How ironic, I though. I'm the type that hate tears. I hate when people cry and I especially hate crying in public. Even so, crying in private doesn't make it any better. I always try my best to avoid crying. I would held my face up high and proclaim the indifferent expression when people around me cry yet now, here I could not stop it. 


But I know I'm human. Its natural that we're defeated by our emotions, by our desire. It's human nature yet I could not accept that. Tears are human greatest weakness but it proves to be human medicine too sometimes.  Urg, why am I even discussing this when I was crying?! Though this distraction somehow makes me feel better. 


After a few minutes those tears stopped. Slowly I rolled out of my bed. Gosh, I looked like a vampire or rather a zombie with this red swollen eyes. Yup, the mirror proved so. Luckily no one is at home. If so, I would not know what to explain. They did not know about him. Ouch, my heart just winced when I thought bout him. 


I sighed. Somehow all the crying just now seems to calm me. Yea, a medicine alright. I wish I would not have to do that again. But he was half to be blame. If it is not because of...


Ouch, that was it again. My heart ace, literally. My head suddenly felt light but then it pound on me, hard. Is this the after effect of crying so hard? I don't think so but why? My legs suddenly could not find the will power to further on and the next thing I knew was my hand grabbing hard the table which is the nearest to me. 


My head hurts. It hurts so badly. My other palm was against my head that I could feel it throb. What is this feeling? What is this foreign feeling? Somehow it was like a hard wave of Deja Vu. I let out a small yelp.

"Because your heart beats within mine" No, why now?

"Because your heart beats within mine" It sounds so clear.

"Because your heart beats within mine" Go.. away!

Afterwards, I saw nothing but darkness.

(To be continue..)

The you that enlighten me..

Assalamualaikum, Minna-san! ^^,


I'm currently watching Fairy Tail, that is why I insert alot of Japanese words.. Minna-san means "Everyone!" ..
Hee~

You know, now that I realized something.. People usually monologue in their mind right? Like sometimes they have scenarios or some sort of conversation in their mind. I have that too. I mean, most of the time I'm with my conscious.. You know, the person you're talking too.


Now that you mention it, it's almost 8 years, ne?


8 years since I met him. 


This has been a secret I kept and still will be keeping. Sometimes that cat is out of the bag but most of the time, I rather it stays in. 

One of my fav epd!

Back to the topic, I usually monologue on things that sort of entertain me like fighting with magics, or some sad moment, or a sadistic one or just rather a conversation with him. He's sort of my spirit.. Ne H-kun? 


Sometimes I feel like screaming my head off or give up when the tide is too high for me to overcome but.. because its there.. because I can feel my other half beating, still struggling to live.. I became strong. My inner self, no, my other half.. you gave me the strength sometimes for me to overcome reality.


Yup, my biggest weakness.. Reality.


That is why I rather close my eyes and drift away that I would find myself inside my own world. I would feel safe. Safe inside that kingdom of mine that no matter what, my heart is somewhat alive.


Beating, beating. And keep on being alive. 


-MJxx

You are the Number One for Me !

Assalamualaikum!

When that tears escape your eyes,

I want to be the one to catch it,

So it won't be sliding down insignificant..

Dropping down to earth..

Like as though that tears of yours,

Is nothing but water itself.

It's been awhile since I wrote a poem. 

And it's been awhile since I wrote a story too.

Though I never did actually wrote a complete one yet.

But I'll strive to do so!

Yosh!!

Ne, ne.. Do you want to know the real meaning behind this poem?

It means, that tears itself maybe water-like but for me I never look at tears as though they are water. I look at it as though tears is a sacred thing that human can produce. And tears, they aren't really something you could produce while faking it. 

True that sometimes we tend to produce fake tears or "crocodile tears" but you know, in order to produce it, you still have to think of something that will make you cry. 

So yeah, tears are sacred and I don't like to see someone crying because I can't help them from not crying and its hopeless. I'm hopeless. 

That is why, I want to catch that tears before it hit the ground so you know, that I'll never ever let sadness conquer you nor will I let that depress look reside your eyes.

The strength to endure.

Assalamualaikum ^^,


Yare2, it's been awhile since I last update. It's not like I'm busy or something because it's my 3mth semester break and for someone who is consistently busy at College; having nothing to do is a drag.


It's like when you are so used to holding bags or stuff that when you are no longer required to do so, it feels empty and different that you need to hold on to something.


Haha. I know the hyperbolic is somewhat hard to understand.


So I've been watching Fairy Tail anime since the start of my holiday and I somehow learn alot from it. Amazing right? The story is basically about strength, and friendship, and family. But I would like to touch on the strength.

Often at times we came to war with our own self. A jihad is not just war between people but rather, a jihad between you and yourself is the hardest and greatest of all. This is because you knew your own strength and your own weaknesses and to fight your nafs or your desire; Who will actually win?


For me, my strength has always been my family and friends.


I know it sounds cliche but yes, I can never fight if its not because of them.
Oh, and the ultimate strength of all; Allah.


This may sound weird and chessy but one of my greatest mission is to protect my love ones.
My protective instinct is somehow high.
That I can't see my friend or family cry.
I would somehow felt guilty and weak and useless because I can't prevent them from not crying.
And I would protect them from not only physical danger but also the danger unseen.


Someone once said to me, "Maryam, you can't protect everything. You can't forever be the shield for them. At times those trials came to them that they have to deal it on their own."


I know.


But as long as I can be their shield, I will.
As long as I can fight for them, I will.
As long as I have the strength to absorb their sadness, I will.


Because I want my purpose in this life to mean something.
I want to be there for others as long as I'm still standing.
Because that is what Rasullullah (pbuh) taught us right?

Live life for others too. 

-MJ 

Friends; they'll help you to Jannah.

Assalamualaikum ^^,

Well, I haven't update for quite sometime, huh?

This is just a short entry because time is catching up and I haven't study my Varieties much..

Friends; they are people that you are not born with but rather you need them in your life..

Something like knowledge.

And friends are an important element that will in the end bring you to Jannah or Hell.

That is why we have to be careful in picking them.

I used to have friends that could not care less about Islam and I too tend to derive away from it..

But now, alahamdulillah..

Those whom I befriend with are those people that bring me closer to Jannah.

With them, instead of gossiping or rather bad-mouthing people, we tend to talk about problems regarding youth about Islam.. Talk about Islam..

And its fun. It really is.

And instead of persuading me to go somewhere where I'll lose myself, they persuading me to go to places that I would find myself..

And the best part is.

The moment that we are together, the time spent..

It'll be bless by Allah.

Thanks friend, for pulling me back from the dark pit..

For being the hand that will make the journey to Jannah easier..

-MJxx

C'est La vie (That's Life!)

Assalamualaikum.

I haven't update my blog for awhile and oh, how my head ace so badly.
This time of the semester things are getting harder and well, pretty much stressful!
And I miss blogging. 


No, I miss the free time that the only thing I wanna do is writing stories and reading tons of Vampire Novels.
But those free time is hard to get nowadays.
With all the assignments, projects, meeting and such.
I don't think I can somehow manage this.
Huu~

"I have always LOVE books. I grew up with having them by my side and being around books somehow make me feel secure and I would always beam and gets super-excited going to a library, Book fairs or Bookstores."

You know, there's alot of book fair lately at my College and well, of course being bookworm such as myself, I couldn't stand it.
I feel like the rm200 is soo not enough.
Though, after a week.. I only spend rm50 for some books on Solat and Rasulullah saw.
Another rm150 I plan on buying Novels! 
And some English Reference book.
Oh and some notebook and maybe.. urg! No, no, no..
I think that's enough.


I soo wanna go to Kinokuniya because it has been my all-time favorite books store besides Borders, MPH, Popular and Times.
But, oh.. Malaysia has only 1 Kino book store. Such a waste.
Even Singapore have 3 Kino bookstore!
How I wish that I can use my voucher in Singapore. 
Fuu~

Well, Que Sera Sera then.
What ever my vouchers are going to be spend at, that's it. =) 


-MJxx