Tuesday, July 7, 2015

Ramadhan Diary #1: Challenges!


For introduction, it has been 4 months since I last 'vowed' to write everyday. So predictable of me. I also thought of writing a continuous of the Ramadhan Tazkirah but I have yet find the time. Okay, that is an excuse.. I did find time but I didn't make use of it. But tonight, since I slept early and woke up like around 1am and couldn't sleep back, I supposed I might want to write something. 

This isn't entirely a tazkirah thing. Cuz I'm not sure of any tazkirah to talk about. This is just a diary, as stated above. Lol. 

And today marks the last 10 nights of the holy month of Ramadhan. So far my experience of Ramadhan here kinda sucks. I knowww. It was supposed to be a deep spiritual journey since I am near masjid and there's a lot of opportunity for me to do my ibadah but gosh, who knew studying and fasting could be sooooo tiring! 

I mean, before this, in KUIS, the experience was a bit different maybe because the distance from my hostel to the main campus is not that far and tiring, but here.. nak naik bukit Salahuddin tu bole mati kay! I'm exaggerating but yes! Penat T.T *cries thousand buckets* 

Plus, my class is full (8am-4pm) and imagine studying arabic for 4 hours straight. Don't get me wrong, I love arabic but *cries thousand buckets again* its exhausting. Language learning is not easy. 

So with the 8-4 timetable, and around 6 I have to be at the mosque to break my fast, I can break my fast in my room but then I'll be lazy to do my tadarus and pray tarawikh. I mean, I do pray tarawikh cuz I'd feel guilty if I don't but I love praying tarawikh with an imam rather then alone. It doesn't feel tarawikh-ish if I'm praying alone. Lol. Cerewet. 

So there you go. Reason why I am so exhausted especially with the weather and how time is brushing so fast. I feel like sleeping the whole day. =( It was rather sad. 

What if this is my last Ramadhan? Then I'll regret it forever and ever. Because I did not put on effort as much as before and as much as others. I'm not that strong. I guess I didn't prepare beforehand, that is why I ended up not doing my fullest. 

And maybe the other reason is because I'm alone. I used to have my usrahmates to be there for me whenever I'm falling but here, since I sorta decided to walk on my own, I don't have them. Okay, menyesal. I guess that is why usrah is important. 

But alas, all that is over and done with. I have the last 10 nights to redeem myself and #pray4me that i'll do my very best and meet with the Night of Power, Lailatul Qadr itself. Ya'll can drop any kata-kata semangat cuz I'm dying for some motivation, for the remaining Ramadhan and remaining semester and remaining lifespan. lol. 

Tgk Sophie!

Lailatul Qadr is my favorite night because throughout the history of my life, a lot of miracles happened on that night. The night I heard that 'Quranic melody', the night that I prayed for UIA and here I am, the night I could feel my Lord's love and how warm it touches my soul, washing away all the sins of yesterday. 

So I hope this year, I'll find it, work for it and gain it. Because this year, I have my own list of dua' and needed to be answered before my time is up. And I need all the help I can get from the owner of my Soul.

[-.- Kes lame tak tulis. Da jadi karangan SPM da.]

I hope you guys forgive me for not writing and still have time to read. 
Takde time pun takpe, tak terase. Kahkah. But you wouldn't come down to the very end if you don't have time, do you? *senyum sinis*

Haha. I'm taking Bahasa Melayu this semester so my melayu sorta mcm improve gitu. 
Okay tak, I lied. My Malay sucks!      

Signed out at 02:33am 7/7/15

1 comment:

Anasyg said...

i love the terawikh-ish. haha,
salam mar. :) eh silap, MJ. Love dat u starter writing again, n sorry for d pack schedule, UKM's a bit diff tho, since we ended d semester pretty quick when we only got d taste of fasting here for a week o so.

bout d puasa, studying language(tell me bout it, haha) and other things u haf to settle, whenever ur feeling down in between, just take one deep breath, prioritize things in ur head, and start focusing on which is more important, mcm kalau between solah n study, solah first then study, or breaking fast kat masjid or breaking fast alone in ur room, measure back where are u standing then. kalau lebih dkt dgn bilik, memadai if u just buka puasa dkt bilik, then after that u can walk back to masjid to do terawikh. (and not rushing things out, and u end up worn out). kalau lbh dkt dgn masjid at dat time, go on.

u said bout ur lists of dua for this upcoming Lailatul Qadr kan? wish for ur best health thru out d year for u to be able to do ur study and pray to Allah, but to do so u need to haf enough rest and sihat walafiat and all that, hence from now, u haf to be smart enuf not to drain urself out and utamakan yg mana lbh penting.

*yget wad i mean. sbb if ur so into praying to Allah but u didnt strive well in ur study which is another path of jihad di jalan Allah which is menuntut ilmu, it doesnt make any difference. or ur so into praying but ur sick or u tend to neglect ur health. still no difference. kan?

see i dh tulis karangan dh. oh one more, bout ur usrahmates, dont bother, just find one or two friends yg comfortable with u dgn cara u and vice versa dont worry bout a bunch of six to seven pack of friends. one is enuff sebenarnya. :) good luck MJ

oh n in case u out of bucket, here's another bucket to fill that tears.