Midnight Rant #1

Assalamualaikum~

I don't really know why I keep on putting '#1' behind each post because I only manage to write one post on it every time. This is not a serious post whatsoever. Because this is me being very nervous for my Arabic Midterm tomorrow. Hell yeah. I am never this nervous before. I don't know why and because of my nervousness, I decided to wash it away with some writing. Even though I'm typing it with my trembling fingers. 

I have this fate with Arabic. I've been learning and studying it for almost 20 years now but it never stays. My ustazah said that studying Arabic and Al-Quran is different from normal studies because if there's something wrong with your intention and your heart, then you'll never get there. 

I guess she's right. I mean, yeah, she's right. I guess my heart was never that pure to begin with. Sebab tu bertahun belajar tak lekat2 pun. Haish. But I want this to be different. I thought it could be. I even pasang this niat if I score well, I nak minor Arabic. Mimpi je wehh. 2 minggu cuti, vocab semua hilang. 

T.T

Oh, before I forget.. Thanks Anas for the longest comment I ever received from anyone regarding my posts.

(If you are reading this) Thank you for the long way back support. Because I always have this fear that maybe I'm not that good in writing and that would be a nightmare because I love writing and being told that you are not good at something you love is one of the worst feeling. And you are one of those people that I appreciate exist in helping me to pursuit writing because I know there's someone out there who will still read it. Kay, mcm cheesy. I love your stories and your post too btw. And thanks again for the help. The remaining Ramadhan is an alhamdulillah phrase. =D

This is a midnight Rant sooo.. I don't really have an objective on what to write. Hmm.. Hmm. My raya is good. Boring but good. Though I don't know what people are expecting out of me. And I think human beings are full of lies. (Okay last statement tu takde kne mengene with my raya. Haha.)

I know I need to get back to my revision tapi tak bole nak focus. I don't know why. I feel frustrated. Countless time Arabic has let me down with its exceptionally hard moment and blank space it gave me during exams. I am afraid that tomorrow, da belajar bnyk mane pun, I tak ingt. Sadds wei. Sadds. 

I guess that's that. Thanks for reading my ramdom, sangat random post. I'm going to start writing short stories, poems and my long hiatus novel again and I'm trying my hardest to get over my fear of rejections. I want to be able to write without the fear of one. InsyaAllah, one fine day, kalau da takdir, ade lah tu buku2 tu kat shelf2. And may it touch others too. 

P.s, in case if u're wondering why I put Lily Collin's picture up there, she is kind of my inspiration. I love her motivational words, her acting, her expression, her fashion sense and her hairstyles the most. Lol. But putting it in this post is random. 

So random. 

-MJxx 

Signed off at 12:50, 28/7/15