I know… I’m just a year younger but I want to give this letter, or blogpost to you so when you read it back, again and again like how you read your past diaries and feel that need to smile and laugh and learn.
So here is a few advice from past Maryam to future Maryam so future Maryam will know that past Maryam do care about her. Ahah. Ignore that.
First thing first, know where you stand right now and don’t discard your past. Your past made who you are right now. Your tainted, broken, sinful life was nothing but lessons that you HAVE to learn from. There are reasons why that happened. Don’t feel sad nor feel ashamed. Jangan lah pulak bangga2.
Be someone better than you are now. A better muslim, a better daughter, a better friend, a better sister. Progress every day. Make every day different from the one before. Grow and keep going. Move forward.
I do not know who you will be this year nor did I know who I was a year before but whatever it is, keep Allah as your target. Mardhatillah. Him and Only Him. No other, nor other will ever be. Yes, 22 year old Maryam… you are a bit poetic now. After all, you have to like, memorized 30 poets biography. (Poetry class, Dr. Mahmudul remember?)
Older looking Maryam, if you are sad, remember your smile, remember your laughter, and remember those moments where sadness can’t penetrate your innocent soul. As close as innocent your heart could be. La tahzan, Allah will always be with you. A golden advice from your past.
22 is a very important age, I know. It’s like the FINALLY! Moment yet I know you are sad too. This is supposed to be the year where everything that you aimed happens but yet, none of that seems close to happening. It’s okay, be patient. Allah has a bigger plan for you. But who knows, your luck always come at the very last minute. I mean, OUR luck. Haha.
I do not know what else to say. Hmm… Oh, try to make a move towards something that will forever exist in this world. Like the one thing that you will be leaving for this world to improve. Be a Daie, be a Khalifah. And forever be one.
Keep on dreaming. Keep on being you. I don’t know if you will be mature later on when we are 22 but I highly doubt so. Haha. It is okay, being mature is so overrated. Be childlike but make wise choice and decision.
Stay Maryam Jameelah Azhari forever and ever.
Accept your past, embrace your future.
May you be an awesome mommy to your future children,
A vain yet awesome wife to your husband,
A Daie for the sake of Allah.
A writer that changes like for the sake of Allah.
Inspire and be inspired.
I guess that’s all. So take a deep breath and have fun being 22. REMEMBER! You are much, much closer to death that I am right now. So never, ever forget to prepare for your death above everything else. Death, after all, is inevitable.
Keep on writing, Maryam.
21 year old Maryam.