Delusion in Love.

Assalamualaikum^^v

I know, the title sounds cheesy and cliché but I want to make a point of something. It might be informative, or not. Depending on your stand.

So.

I just watched this movie, urm… “He’s just not that into you” and well, it is a love story and all that. I’m not into purely love story but at times I did watch it because I, well, the title interest me and the attention grabber at the beginning really grabs me.

So, the story is about lots of people. Yeah, few couples dealing with relationship all based on ‘rules’ or ‘what-I-heard’. It’s like, if a guy says “it’s nice meeting you” it means he is not interested in you or if a guy didn’t call you back, it means he doesn’t want anything to do with you. You know stuff like that.

It doesn’t only happen in their culture because sometimes when I open up some malay magazines and there’s a quiz about “If he is into you?” or “Are you in the right relationship?” or some articles about all this tips and sign that guys/girls give to see if they are interested.

It’s kind of a waste of time, you know.

I mean the reason why they are all those kind of stuff is because human are too paranoid, they are too insecure! They want something to make sure they are on the right track. But you know what? We already have that. We already have a secure guideline of love, life, everything but we refuse to instill it within ourselves.

I know, atleast at one point of our life we did ask our self. “Is that the sign?” “Is he/she the one?” “Does he like me?” Even when we never had a relationship before in our life.

I mean, I’m not an expert. I have some experience being in a relationship that doesn’t last; I’ve been through heartbreaking moment. That’s normal, that’s life. And I am kind of an observer. I like to observe stuff around me and analyzing them. And end up writing about it, like right now.

Ok, so…

The point here being that, girls especially.. Just because a guy give you extra attention or that you think that he is giving you the sign that he is interested, don’t easily fall for it!

That is the problem with us girls. We tend to make small matters into something complicated. We think too much and when things did not work out, we felt heartbroken and low and eventually blaming our self and others.

So don’t. Don’t fall for uncertainty.

That one person who you’ll be spending your entire future with will eventually come. At that is the time to give your everything; your hopes, your dream, your uncertainty, you doubt, your fear.

Even when at times, you felt like that stare is special. The way he talks to you is rare. The way he accidentally calls your name differently. The time where he messages you in the middle of the night, bringing up random topic.

I know. We all felt the need to be special for someone, but really, this is not the time. Be strong and build up your defence. He is not halal for you yet. Girls, don’t be weak in this. Being weak will hurt and hunt you later on.

In other word that actually will sound harsh is; Don’t be delusional.

-MJxx

Titanium

Assalamualaikum^^,

Hisashiburi ne? o^^o

It’s been awhile, huh?

Haha.. Well, lately my self-esteem level began to decrease because of some reason. I want to write badly but I detain myself because if I do, I’ll be too emotional and well, I don’t like that. When you write something when you are depressed or sad, you kind of like putting a blame on someone and end up being too negative. That Is why I tried my best to avoid writing in that situation. Well, except in my personal diary. 

Yes, I still keep an old-fashioned hand-written diary. Haha.

Well, some of you might notice that I was a bit down this past week. Well, that includes my all-time stalker. Haha. Well, I am down. But attitude wise, I still am able to laugh and smile and make jokes. I’m not the time to get all emo and depress and involves other party. But when I am alone, that is when that ‘sad’ side of me kind of emerges.

That is why I’m lucky because this is the busiest week for me so far and it kind of lifts my mind of it. I got to settle my thesis, practical, paper work for some programs, election, this and that. 

Anyway, what I really want to talk about is about my failure.

Yes, here I announced that I got a Band 3 for my MUET. 

Judge whatever you want to judge, think whatever you want to think. 

That you are better in me in English; most probably.  

That your future is brighter than mine, ok. 

But all in all, I think this has got nothing to do with my ability in English. This is what my Rezeki is and this is what Allah fated upon me. 

And there is always a reason on why Allah do so. 

At first, I wouldn’t accept it. I simply can’t. Do you know why?

Because it has been such a long time since I encounter failure. 

I was too caught up in being too confident that I forgot that everything is from Allah, even your result and it has nothing to do with us actually. Slowly, slowly I began to sit back up. I know if I drown myself in this failure, I will be the biggest loser because I can’t see the precious message Allah sent me and I can’t increase my strength in encountering difficulties and test.

But if I climb back up, I can see the view better.

So I have decided to retake my MUET exam and still apply the UPU. I have a blueprint of my future but surely, Allah’s blueprint is much, much better than mine. 

To my dearest friends and readers, I am not a good motivator but based on my experience, you should not lose hope. You lose once but who says you are going to lose again? Pardon my language but screw those you put judgmental thought upon you. Who are they to determine who you are? Repeat and repeat countless time, take and retake countless time. After all, life is about making footsteps not making the finish line. 

Same goes in term of our Deen. If you make mistake and repent but you still make the same mistake, repent and repent again. Allah never said that there is a limit to repent. But do not lose hope. Ignore those who say Allah is not going to accept you forgiveness, because surely, Allah will accept your forgiveness. Ignore those who say you have no hope to gain Jannah, because no one knows your ending. 

So the moral of the story here; Is to not lose hope and always strive forward. I know, easier said than done right? Well, if you did not get it done, you will not know how easy it is. Once upon a time, I used to be a failure. I used to fail every single subject that I have to retain back Secondary 2. But when there is a will, there is a way. Right now, Alhamdulillah, I manage to get a Dean List every semester, urm, minus the 1st and the 4th but Alhamdulillah.

So, strive and move forward… You are not alone. Hitori janai ne! 

-MJxx