Day 12 #RamadanTazkirah: Escape.

Escape.

One word, many thoughts. 

Everyone, well, not everyone but most of us thought about escaping once or twice or a lot of time. Maybe escape from our problems, our past or maybe, just ourselves. 

I talk with a friend of mine and we kind of get the similar idea that when we want to escape, we'll go far away. Some place where no one know us, a foreign place. Of course, we thought of going overseas. That, is kind of the best escape route ever. 

One time I swore to myself if someone hurt me, or that I could not stand living with the pain of yesterday, I want to go some place far and disappear. Just simply disappear. Live life as another person. And I did came close to it when I got the offer to go to University of Glasgow in Scotland. So near yet so far away. 

But that's me. 

Whenever I tried to escape, Allah will pull me back again and again to the starting point. I will keep on coming back and face my past. Not physically but mentally. Sometimes it gets too overwhelming that I question myself why do I have to face this?

I could not stand being trapped. I'm like, literally claustrophobic [I mean it, I hate enclose spaces -_-]. I tried to push the door open again and again but it got stuck. But I was wrong, I thought that is the only door and that is the only solution but I was wrong. 

Escape, does not necessarily meant that you have to go far away where no one knows you so you can start new. No. That is not the only way out of your problem. Yes, some of us could not handle the past and that is the only route out but some of us, who thinks that they are still trap.. that they can't escape, you know, you have another route, another way. 

When I had a heart to heart talk with a close friend of mine and told her that I was disappointed that I did not get to escape overseas, she said, "Maybe UIA is your escape."

That is like a hard knock on the head. I never thought of another route. Especially not the route that I am walking in. When she said that, it got me thinking for quite a long time. And I realized that all the route that I walked down before this, I was did not just manage to escape but I manage to confront it. I manage to confront the things I want to escape from.

And I did find other ways to escape without having to 'go far away' in a physical sense but I guess I found my new escapes in a form of writing stories, playing with kids, doing programs and volunteering and such. Alhamdulillah. 

I guess in a way, different people have different way of escaping and facing their difficulties and past. Of course, I still do want to go far away but I guess until Allah ask me so, I will do what I am capable of doing now. I will stand strong and face my fears, my disappointment, my dark, my broken self and my pain here. 

So to whoever out there, if your are still searching for a way out, pray to Him. He will provide you the best solution. He will be the hand that helps you, the hand that guides you, the hand that answer all your doubts and fears. 

Be strong. Dear you, be strong. =)  

#prayforGaza 

Day 11 #RamadhanTazkirah: Why support?

This will be a very short post, I supposed.

So, support. Well, people support a lot of things. Some support football clubs, some support cause, support celebrities or belief. Varieties of support being sent out every day. How we support, what we support, that kind of things too define who we are.

Like today, most of us Muslims support Gaza. We keep on posting and share stuff and write status regarding our support. Well, the niat or intention, of course, we can't see but I say, alhamdulillah. We are creating awareness.

But what saddens me I guess is sometimes we do not know why we support. I can said this to myself from time to time because I support a lot of things and then it came down to me personally asking myself, what is is that I'm supporting or why am I supporting this?

I know, some might say... "Why, of course, it is for a good cause, because we are Islam, because we are this and that.." But that is not enough. Well, I don't see that reason as enough because I don't know, it is not concrete and wayyyyy bias?

Then I guess I kind of figure out that sometimes people support something for their own benefit. Maybe not regarding the Gaza, Syria, Mesir war but about something else like why do you support this politic leader and why do you support that football club. I don't know why I keep on repeating football club -.-' I don't even watch football.

Okay, lets look at a different angle. Some of my friends are starting their own business and I can't help it that whenever they promote something, I would buy it if I have the money. At one time I did ask myself, why did I buy it? Is it because its too tempting or because of the price? But no. It wasn't because of that.

Then I found the answer, if I were to open up my own business or write a book or do something, of course I need support right? Even though I know I suck at it but I need a kind hand to say 'Keep going' I'll be supporting you. And I guess, my heart realized this before my mind. I support them because I know they need it. I guess in a way, I am just the in between person between them and Allah swt.

Alhamdulillah, I guess Allah return the favour. Today, I too receive countless supports even from the people I do not know. So thank you.

[Macam lari topic je -.-']

Conclusion: Be supportive and support those who need it and be aware of what you are supporting. Don't blind-support stuff. =D

Day 8 #RamadhanTazkirah: How to love the things you hate.

Sometimes in life you come across the things you hate first before you meet the things you love.
You meet a person whom you hate before you meet the person you love. 
You have to face what you hate to love what you love. 

That's life. No one said anything about it being easy and uncomplicated. 

But coming in terms of what you hate does not gives you any reason to run away, to escape it. 

One thing that I learn about this life is to never, ever run away from it. Of course, I've tried but it keeps on coming back but than I found the courage to face it. Face all those muds and dirts. 

I used to hate early marriage, or marriage altogether. I know, I know, it's wrong but I was in that rebellious stage and well, I have a bad terms with guys at such an early age so I mainly disagree with marriage. Once I even asked my dad if it's okay not to get married at all. 

He said it's okay BUT you wouldn't get any rewards for it. I was around 11 at that time so rewards was not as tempting at that time so I settled with the decision of not being married at all. Haha. But that stage last till I was 16 or 17. 

Even when I was 16, I wrote in my diary (still have that diary and entry. Lol. Going to show it to my future husband) that marriage is a hassle. I disagree strongly with the fact that a woman have to listen to her husband. I hated that. I hated the fact that I have to listen to that gender. I used to hate men too, still have that tiny piece of dislike inside of me though, but I am learning. 

When I was 17, I still do not want to get married or at least even if I have to get married, it will be reallllllly late. I was still in that thought that marriage is a bad thing for me. I mean only for me because I used to be a ego-maniac, arrogant, stubborn girl towards the opposite gender. 

But then I fall in love.   

No, I still on that firm believe that I want to get married late. But that thought of marriage did cross my mind. And I was young. And I chose the wrong path. But I did not know. And Alhamdulillah, Allah protected me. Nothing happened. That guy had a girlfriend. Haha.  And I know for a fact that that was not true love, was not pure. 

[P.s, Future husband, whoever you are, wherever you are, if you are reading this, know for a fact that I love you forever and foremost and yes, I was a fool but I was young and I hope you forgive me for letting my pure heart be tainted even if by the time you are reading this, we are already married with I don't know, 3 kids? Know for a fact that I am human and know for a fact that my love towards you will suppress this foolish moment of weakness. And yes, I'm poetic, deal with it.]

Anyway, that awakens a part of me that makes me realized that marriage is slightly important and well, as years passed by, I met a friend and she taught me to love a lot of new stuff and one of those is marriage and early marriage. 

Even if I have yet to get married now, I know for a fact that I am really looking forward to that day and I want it to arrive as fast as possible. It's funny, huh? I still can't believe I used to hate marriage.

The point in all those being, you do not know what you love until you endure what you hate.

It might be that job or that course or that person that you are stuck with. Of course, some people would say, do things that you are passionate about. That only applies to people who have other choices but if you don't try to endure it. 

BUT! 

Endure it with an open mind. Well, I wouldn't used the word endure. Too negative. Embrace would be better. Embrace it. Find the hikmah behind it. Try to keep that open mind that one day you will love it and one day, who knows, it might lead to a better you, a better situation. 

Besides, who says the thing you love will be perfect? Will came our easy? Will be all fairytale and sunshine? No one said anything about it being easier and better for you.

Allah never test his servant beyond what they can. He knows us and He knows what is best for us. Pray and ask for His guidance. InsyaAllah, zettai (definitely), there is a Hikmah. 

So if you are in that situation that you have a strong dislike on, try. Try your very hardest. And look at it from a different view. A different perspective. Maybe this is a trial for you, maybe this is a way Allah wants you to get our of that comfort zone of yours. 

Who knows? 

It may not been easy, I know. I used to hate a lot of things. But then I try, no, I force myself to love it. And yes, I fell in love with the things that I hate once upon a time. And it felt good. Really good. To have lesser things to hate in this life. 

Day 4 #RamadhanTazkirah: Different Lens.

At times we did not realized that we tend to look at people using a specific lens. We think that is the only way to perceive someone and we end up judging them. We are all humans and it is kind of natural for to judge a book by its cover first because we seldom know the back story. That is not the problem.

The problem is that we tend to stop there. Just there. We have our perspective and we did not even want to know more, thinking that our judgement is already superior enough. I know, because at times, I found myself thinking that way. 

We can't avoid judgemental people or judgemental environment, true but at least afterwards, try to understand them. Try to understand others. 

Like a wise person always says, "Put yourself it that person's shoe." Then you know it aint all that easy, it aint all that waltz. Sometimes, all we know is talk bad about a person, saying a lot of stuff as though we are somehow a telepathic. We aren't okay? Unless you can literally read and hear and see their mind.. wait, even then, you are not allowed to put a judgement. 

In Islam, we have the thing called, 'Husnudzon'. It is when instead of think bad, we think good about others. Instead of assuming lies, we shut our mouth and let the truth spilled from the owner themselves.

The way we see the world somehow shapes who we are too. Are you a negative person or a positive? Pessimist or optimist? And the longer we instil only that one lens of negativity perspective in our mind, we will grow within it and end up being a angry or and ugly person. 

No one likes to be around those with an ugly mouth.  

Yesterday, I kind of stalk this poet's page, Fynn Jamal and I saw a lot of negative comments. People keep on judging her of everything she do, like her parenting, her lifestyle and such. I mean that is kind of fairly normal in a popular person's page or comment box. I saw the same thing in Felixia Yeap's page too. 

I mean if you don't like them, fine. No one ask you to worship them but at the very least, try to see things in a different perspective. Make the world a better place to live by decreasing hates and rude comments. 

Try to understand people's situation more than putting your ego forward because you think you are better than them thus you are not required to understand them. 

Shut down that attitude!

Everytime you want to say or put a judgement on something, stop and rethink! At least ask yourself, "Do I want people to give me the same treatment?"

Of course not. So try. Try to look at things, situation and people from a different lens before your speak up.

Day 2 #Ramadhan Tazkirah: Coming Home

Bismillahirahmanirahim

I was born in Singapore but I grew up in various places. When I was 15, we decided to migrate permanently to Malaysia but I started to really stay in Malaysia when I was 17 because I was still studying in Singapore during that time so I stayed at my Grandma's. Malaysia is a nice country, really. The surrounding, the life, it was fun. I meet nice people here and well, Malaysia is one of my turning point place. But nonetheless, I still yearns for Singapore at times. 

Because no matter how long I've stayed in Malaysia, Singapore is my beginning. No matter how wonderful a place is, our hometown is the best. The food, the culture, the people. We reminisce about this. 

Why is that?   

Because no matter how many time we say we did not belong there, we do.

This in fact, is the same with us human being. No matter how wonderful our life here on earth; meeting the right people, living with the memory, laughing and said to ourself, 'This is life.' Some part of us still yearns for a better place. 

And that place is Jannah (Heaven).

We were there. We once lived in that world. And right now, we are just mere stranger in this world. We migrated here and as much as we love our life here, don't you want to go back to your home town?

When I was a kid, the adults always talk about Heaven like how we can have everything there and that there is no evil people there and such. My dad always talk about how the river is filled with milk and juice and that if we want anything, it will come less than a split second. Of course, that opens up my interest to want to go to Jannah.

But as I grew older, that scenario did not seems tempting anymore because as we grew older, our mind starts to make sense of things. But still I wonder, why do adults still want to go to Jannah. 

What makes Muslims or even non-Muslims yearns of Jannah?

I guess this is it. Because we all want to go back home. 
We are tired of living as a migrate. We are tired of all things that is not permanent here.
We want to go back to the world that we came from. 

So guys, let's work our hardest to go back home, kayy?