Day 12 #RamadanTazkirah: Escape.

Escape.

One word, many thoughts. 

Everyone, well, not everyone but most of us thought about escaping once or twice or a lot of time. Maybe escape from our problems, our past or maybe, just ourselves. 

I talk with a friend of mine and we kind of get the similar idea that when we want to escape, we'll go far away. Some place where no one know us, a foreign place. Of course, we thought of going overseas. That, is kind of the best escape route ever. 

One time I swore to myself if someone hurt me, or that I could not stand living with the pain of yesterday, I want to go some place far and disappear. Just simply disappear. Live life as another person. And I did came close to it when I got the offer to go to University of Glasgow in Scotland. So near yet so far away. 

But that's me. 

Whenever I tried to escape, Allah will pull me back again and again to the starting point. I will keep on coming back and face my past. Not physically but mentally. Sometimes it gets too overwhelming that I question myself why do I have to face this?

I could not stand being trapped. I'm like, literally claustrophobic [I mean it, I hate enclose spaces -_-]. I tried to push the door open again and again but it got stuck. But I was wrong, I thought that is the only door and that is the only solution but I was wrong. 

Escape, does not necessarily meant that you have to go far away where no one knows you so you can start new. No. That is not the only way out of your problem. Yes, some of us could not handle the past and that is the only route out but some of us, who thinks that they are still trap.. that they can't escape, you know, you have another route, another way. 

When I had a heart to heart talk with a close friend of mine and told her that I was disappointed that I did not get to escape overseas, she said, "Maybe UIA is your escape."

That is like a hard knock on the head. I never thought of another route. Especially not the route that I am walking in. When she said that, it got me thinking for quite a long time. And I realized that all the route that I walked down before this, I was did not just manage to escape but I manage to confront it. I manage to confront the things I want to escape from.

And I did find other ways to escape without having to 'go far away' in a physical sense but I guess I found my new escapes in a form of writing stories, playing with kids, doing programs and volunteering and such. Alhamdulillah. 

I guess in a way, different people have different way of escaping and facing their difficulties and past. Of course, I still do want to go far away but I guess until Allah ask me so, I will do what I am capable of doing now. I will stand strong and face my fears, my disappointment, my dark, my broken self and my pain here. 

So to whoever out there, if your are still searching for a way out, pray to Him. He will provide you the best solution. He will be the hand that helps you, the hand that guides you, the hand that answer all your doubts and fears. 

Be strong. Dear you, be strong. =)  

#prayforGaza 

Day 11 #RamadhanTazkirah: Why support?

This will be a very short post, I supposed.

So, support. Well, people support a lot of things. Some support football clubs, some support cause, support celebrities or belief. Varieties of support being sent out every day. How we support, what we support, that kind of things too define who we are.

Like today, most of us Muslims support Gaza. We keep on posting and share stuff and write status regarding our support. Well, the niat or intention, of course, we can't see but I say, alhamdulillah. We are creating awareness.

But what saddens me I guess is sometimes we do not know why we support. I can said this to myself from time to time because I support a lot of things and then it came down to me personally asking myself, what is is that I'm supporting or why am I supporting this?

I know, some might say... "Why, of course, it is for a good cause, because we are Islam, because we are this and that.." But that is not enough. Well, I don't see that reason as enough because I don't know, it is not concrete and wayyyyy bias?

Then I guess I kind of figure out that sometimes people support something for their own benefit. Maybe not regarding the Gaza, Syria, Mesir war but about something else like why do you support this politic leader and why do you support that football club. I don't know why I keep on repeating football club -.-' I don't even watch football.

Okay, lets look at a different angle. Some of my friends are starting their own business and I can't help it that whenever they promote something, I would buy it if I have the money. At one time I did ask myself, why did I buy it? Is it because its too tempting or because of the price? But no. It wasn't because of that.

Then I found the answer, if I were to open up my own business or write a book or do something, of course I need support right? Even though I know I suck at it but I need a kind hand to say 'Keep going' I'll be supporting you. And I guess, my heart realized this before my mind. I support them because I know they need it. I guess in a way, I am just the in between person between them and Allah swt.

Alhamdulillah, I guess Allah return the favour. Today, I too receive countless supports even from the people I do not know. So thank you.

[Macam lari topic je -.-']

Conclusion: Be supportive and support those who need it and be aware of what you are supporting. Don't blind-support stuff. =D

Day 10 #RamadanTazkirah: Time to wake up!

Days and days after scrolling down Facebook timeline, Instagram and such, I realized one thing.

There are a lot of heart breaking news than good news. 

I think I've realized this months before and I just couldn't put it into worlds of how scared and mad I am to what is happening. Is humanity slowly declining? The world is coming to it's end, right? All I managed to do is talk to a few friends of mine about what is happening today and we would share some sympathy words and that is that. 

I feel ashamed of myself because I did nothing to help them. Palestine today is at it's mid-climax war between them and the damned Israelis. I don't know what is going on there, of course, because I am not there. Yes, I did read about their well-being but no matter, we would never truly know what they are going through. 

This is a token given to me from Palestine.

I read a bunch of real life war novels in Afghanistan, Iraq, Palestine and such but that is the closest I can get to know what they are going through. And even just that, I could not imagine how strong they are to endure it for years and years and more years to come. 

My father has a friend, a Palestinian friend, Tamer and he used to tell us about how the Palestine became the Illegal country of Israel which, I personally do not recognized as such. Israel is the real terrorist. Anyway, when he told us that, I could somehow see the big picture. I think I wrote a post on that somewhere in this blog. I'll try to attach it later.

 Today, right now, it has gotten much, much more complicated when the Western country, the so-called 'justice' countries interferes. I mean, how could you not see what is going on?! I mean, even if you can see it, how could you not feel anything?!

Children are dying... And yet you can close one eye and give your pity to the one who killed them? Really? Gosh, this must be some kind of a joke world I am living. 

Right now, I envy those with power. I don't mean artificial super power, I mean the one who has the power to stop this. Country leaders. To lend a hand, to defend the honour of other Muslim countries too. Instead of defending your own honour and dignity.  

While I am incapable to stop this killing, this massacres, this war... I will keep on sending out my prayer and I hope everyone will too. Non-stop. And try to boycott their stuffs too. At least we are doing something, right?

But even so,

I envy you. Yes, I envy all of you.

Because you get to claim that Syahid title easily.

Dying for Allah. Die because of Allah. 

How free your soul must have been. 

To face the Almighty, proud by being the Protector of His Deen.

I don't pity you, but I pity myself. 

To not even have the courage to lift my pen and defend Him,

Yet you lift your guns, your weapon,

Fearless.. In front of the enemy. 

Your soul Brothers,

Your soul Sisters,

Are very much loved by Him. 

Keep on praying. Keep on praying for them. I know, I am barely doing anything besides uploading this post. I am yet an activist to travel far and be with them, am yet an activist to walk down the road shouting and chanting to defend them. Yes, I feel hopeless. Yes, you can say that to me over and over again. All I manage to do is share some post, write a few lines. 

I feel hopeless. But I won't give up. I'll try. At least. 

[To whoever you are who keep on judging people, please restrain so. You do not know what is in their heart, what is in their mind. Who are you to say that they are not doing anything. To not be aware. I know a bunch of people who did not join the activist program, did not share status of their suffering but deep down they are secretly praying for them, secretly donating money for them, secretly persuading others, secretly boycotting.]

InsyaAllah, let us all do a part, even though it is small, to at the very least help them who are defending us.