You know, recently I have been annoyed with people talking about wanting to marry.. can't wait to meet their future spouse or whateve in their FB status. I don't know why. I feel like, especially students.. we have to focus on what is really important infront of us like our studies but nevertheless, I used to talk likewise too. Ahakz.
Anyway, previous days before, I have to fill in this form for a sort of matchmaking thing and I'm kind of not into it. I mean, I'm not against matchmaking or anything but I don't really like it. I have this thought that if you are about to spent your whole lifetime with someone, it should be someone your heart wills.
In an episode of How I met you mother, Ted sign up for this match making thing and they try to find a suitable person for him. Just think about it, why should you marry a person who similiars you but alas, everyone has their own interest and thoughts.
But my friend did say that this maybe just one of a way on how you'll be connected to that person that was made for you and I have to agree. Maybe, just maybe because I'm too ego to admit it. Haha.
If I can choose how to write that story on how I'll be meeting my soulmate, It would be:
An accident. I don't mean the car accident, an accident like its unplanned. An unplanned moment where we met and got into a fight or something but end up falling head over heal and end up getting married. Okay, even when I read it back it totally sound overly dramatic.
Or maybe that I've known him for quite a long time but we never did have any interaction or connection so we can talked back and laugh about it. Saying that we didn't see that one coming.
But whatever it is, I'll leave it to Allah to decide my future. I just hope I won't marry a person I don't know or my heart did not will or a matchmaking gone wrong kind of thing.
Because if I were to spent my whole life with someone, I want that person to know me. Really know me because my appearance is far, really far from the real me. I don't want to be accuse of deceiving him. I want him to marry me to figure out my imperfection and came to love me because of my flaws, mistakes, past and those kind of thing.
And I don't want to marry a perfect person.
I don't want him to have few mistakes, all perfect past, looked up by people, seldom have an imperfection in his life. No. I want him to have a past and tell me his past. I want him to not regret it and I want him to know that he does not have to be perfect.
He does not have to be an Ustaz to impress me because I'm not impress by that. I don't want to marry an Ustaz and feel totally insecure by my lack of religion knowledge and by my tainted past and my awful way of life. I want a person to guide me and accept me. Past, present, future and love me. Love me dearly and wholeheartedly.
=) Anyway, last night I had a dream and its weird. Firstly its about my dad saying that my mom has been searching for a husband for me and that's clearly wrong because my mom has made it clear that she wants me to get married after I finished my DEGREE. So I have a long way to go. And that his name is Lukman but my dad said that he's gay which make it much, much more wrong. In a sick kind of way. Haha.
I assume its just one of Shaitan's playmind thing. So I could not care less.
Well, thats it for this entry. Lalala. I have a hard time keeping tabs on writing.
-MJxx
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