Assalamualaikum^^,
Well, this is a story that I come out with. Enjoy!
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"Because your heart beats within mine"
I heard your voice inside my mind. I was scared. I'm not scared because it is unnatural for some people to hear others voices in their head but I'm scared because its your voice that I hear.
You, the one that turn away from me.
You, the one that I try so hard to block away.
You, the one that leaves my heart bleeding.
I opened my eyes slowly to see if I'm dreaming but no, I'm not. I stared at the ceiling not knowing what I was looking at exactly. Out of sudden, without my concious, my eyes began to start blurring. No, no.. I'm not going to.. cry.
Tears began to stream down my cheek, faster by minute. No, I can't make it stop. I do not want to cry! I do not want my tears to be his. I can't let this weakness took over what I've held so highly. But I can't make it stop. Soon, those tears turn to sob. I began sobbing and that was when my mind began to play various images of him.
His laugh,
his smile,
his ever-so-eager attitude to try something new,
his anger expression,
his warmth,
his care.... his last expression.
No, I do not want to remember that. I do not want to remember his last expression. In fact, I hate that last expression because those expression hunt me inside my dreams, turning it into nightmare.
I wiped my tears but it is no use. More of which I do not know replacing the wiped ones. Lying down alone on a bed at 7am in the morning is no use either. I grabbed a pillow beside me and cover my crying face. This somewhat comfort me as those sobs, I felt could only be heard by me. As though it feels like I'm in the place I could claim my one, my own space.
How ironic, I though. I'm the type that hate tears. I hate when people cry and I especially hate crying in public. Even so, crying in private doesn't make it any better. I always try my best to avoid crying. I would held my face up high and proclaim the indifferent expression when people around me cry yet now, here I could not stop it.
But I know I'm human. Its natural that we're defeated by our emotions, by our desire. It's human nature yet I could not accept that. Tears are human greatest weakness but it proves to be human medicine too sometimes. Urg, why am I even discussing this when I was crying?! Though this distraction somehow makes me feel better.
After a few minutes those tears stopped. Slowly I rolled out of my bed. Gosh, I looked like a vampire or rather a zombie with this red swollen eyes. Yup, the mirror proved so. Luckily no one is at home. If so, I would not know what to explain. They did not know about him. Ouch, my heart just winced when I thought bout him.
I sighed. Somehow all the crying just now seems to calm me. Yea, a medicine alright. I wish I would not have to do that again. But he was half to be blame. If it is not because of...
Ouch, that was it again. My heart ace, literally. My head suddenly felt light but then it pound on me, hard. Is this the after effect of crying so hard? I don't think so but why? My legs suddenly could not find the will power to further on and the next thing I knew was my hand grabbing hard the table which is the nearest to me.
My head hurts. It hurts so badly. My other palm was against my head that I could feel it throb. What is this feeling? What is this foreign feeling? Somehow it was like a hard wave of Deja Vu. I let out a small yelp.
"Because your heart beats within mine" No, why now?
"Because your heart beats within mine" It sounds so clear.
"Because your heart beats within mine" Go.. away!
Afterwards, I saw nothing but darkness.
(To be continue..)
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